What Happened to our Queens?

A few weeks ago, a guy posted a question on Instagram asking, “What happened to my queens?”  And my response to him was, “They tried too hard to become Kings so that the Kings would pay them attention and mistakenly became Harlots because they saw that the Kings preferred them.”  I call this “The Mirror Effect”.  It’s where a woman mirrors a man’s behavior in hopes that he will then mirror hers in return.  But what us women (yes me included) don’t understand is that while we move on emotion, men move on logic and reason.  If something is working in their favor, they won’t see a reason to change.  Let me give you an example: Man and woman meet, man says to woman, “I don’t want a relationship, I just want friends, maybe even a cut buddy from time to time.” Woman agrees (Mirrors him). Man and woman start hanging out and woman gives man some “cut”.  Woman really starts to like man and starts to do things for man to show him that she is feeling him.  In the back of woman’s mind, she is hoping that man is changing his mind and wanting more just as she has (hopes he mirrors her).  But what woman fails to realize is man is getting what he wants and therefore sees no reason to change.  Now this is not the case in every situation; there have been plenty of healthy relationships where this “practice” has worked in the woman’s favor.   But let me serve as a voice of reason to my ladies; the way to a man’s heart is NOT through YOUR vagina.  Fortunately or unfortunately; however you may look at it, men are wired differently.  Their natural instinct is to procreate that is why they are able to separate sex from their emotions.  IF THEY CHOOSE TO.  We are not conditioned in this regard.  Now I understand that some of the blame should be put on them as well, but it’s time for us women to have accountability for our own actions and stop pointing the finger elsewhere when we have the power to change our lives.  I know some of the blame can go to our fathers for not being there and some to our mothers for not knowing how to give us that paternal love but at some point in our lives, we must take a look at what we are doing to cause the strife in our lives. 

We gotta get back to the days where the men were the pursuers because the women knew their value and wouldn’t allow for anything less.  “(S)he who chooses, holds the power”.  Ladies, we gotta get our power back. We have to understand that we have the power, yes fellas THE POWER; to make a man do ANYTHING we want him to without him laying one finger on our body.  My mother used to always tell me, “Never reveal all your cards to a man up front.”  We must keep an air of mystery ladies, keep them guessing, keep them engaged.  Not being so available.  We need to remove the mirrors from his face and place them in front of our own.  We must get back to making ourselves happy first.  Not compromising our Queendom just to emulate his supreme when his duties as King are different than our own.

I know that our Queens are still out there and I have faith that we can gain our power back and once again reign supreme.

Tiera Gray

Tiera has launched her Love Sex & Baggage movement in hopes to bridge the gap between men and women and help destroy the myths that each sex has in regards to each other. This movement is meant to inspire, intrigue, and provoke all your senses and evoke change in your love life. She has also launched her highly anticipated new web series, “The Amazing Woman’s Guide to Loving Her Single Life” on the Love Sex & Baggage You Tube channel which takes a modern day look at single women today trying to navigate their way through dating.

Her next book, “The Girl in the Uhaul” is scheduled to release August 2016!

To see or hear more of what Tiera Nicole has going on, check her out:
http://www.facebook.com/iamtieranicole
http://www.youtube.com/lovesexbaggage
Instagram- @Iam_TieraNicole

4 Signs You're Not Trusting Your Instincts

**As seen on http://www.valorieburton.com/blog/ March 8, 2015**

A few days ago, I felt moved to post this on Facebook:

“You know truth when you see it. Your spirit knows. Stop doubting and over analyzing. Trust your instincts.”

It is a simple truth, but one we often need to be reminded of.  If you’ve ever second guessed yourself only to remember later why you should not second guess yourself, you understand why being reminded of the power of trusting your instincts is so important. I believe our instincts are a divine gift – a sixth sense, the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  It isn’t always explainable, but it is always powerful.  

This week, I want to remind you to trust your instincts on that decision you are making, that relationship you’re contemplating, or that conversation it’s time to have.  Pray about it. Listen, not just with your ears, but with your spirit. And muster the courage to act on it.  If you don’t, you’ll likely regret it – just like you have before. 

We often don’t trust our instincts because of past mistakes. But if you are truly honest, you might just realize that in those past “mistakes,” your instincts were not wrong. They were ignored. Telling yourself the truth is the first step to getting unstuck.  Often, the truth is that we had a nagging feeling about the relationship, but moved forward anyway. We didn’t really want to take that job, but we didn’t have the patience or boldness to go for what we really wanted.  We didn’t feel at peace about that decision, but let someone talk us into. If you had followed your intuition, the outcome may indeed have been different. Consider these four signs that you’re not trusting your instincts, and this week, make a commitment to pay attention:

  

1.You have that nagging feeling.

You know the feeling? Don’t do that. Something’s not quite right. The timing is off. Pay attention to those divine nudges in your spirit.  If you don’t feel at peace about something, don’t move forward.

2.You’re busy asking everyone’s opinion.

If the right decision isn’t necessarily the popular decision (especially if you are an approval addict), it can be tempting to seek other opinions. Wise counsel is good. People pleasing is not. Get off the phone, stop asking for opinions, and get quiet. Notice the answer that presents itself when you listen to that still, small voice.

3.The truth makes you uncomfortable.

You can either deal with it now or deal with it later. Sometimes your instincts lead you in a direction that stretches you beyond your comfort zone. And that will always make you UN-comfortable.  That nagging truth might be inconvenient, but the sooner you acknowledge it, the better off you’ll be.

4.You are overly-logical.

Don’t get me wrong. Logic has its place. We must be strategic. But sometimes the pivotal decisions in life are not the most obvious.  They are leaps of faith.  You won’t always be able to figure it all out ahead of time.  Take it one step at a time.

  

My challenge to you:

Get quiet. Trust your instincts.

Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated to helping people get unstuck and be unstoppable in every area of life. She is the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute and has served as a Certified Personal and Executive Coach to hundreds of clients in over 40 states and ten countries. - See more at: http://www.valorieburton.com/

Seven Benefit of Taking a Vacation

Seven Benefits of Taking a Vacation

By Kris Powers | May 19th 2015 originally published at

https://ed4online.com/blog/seven-benefits-taking-vacation

Are you planning on taking vacation time this summer? 

If not, you will be among the 75% of Americans who fail to 

take all the paid vacation they are due each year. In a poll 

of 2,300 workers who get paid vacation, the career website 

Glassdoor found that only 25% of workers said they use 

all their paid days each year and 61% said that they continue

to work even while they’re on vacation.

"Rest, relaxation, and stress reduction are very important for people's well-being and health. 

This can be accomplished through daily activities, such as exercise and meditation, but 

vacation is an important part of this as well," said primary care physician Natasha Withers 

from One Medical Group in New York.

Here are seven ways vacation can be beneficial for you:

Better physical health - The stress of working can take a serious toll on your heart.  The 

American Psychological Association has documented several potentially stress-induced 

health threats, including increased cardiovascular risks.

Improved mental health - U.S. News and World Report reported that experts feel that one 

of the main benefits of vacation time is that it can improve your mental health. Feelings of 

calm arise and relieve the stress, allowing the body and mind to heal.

More productivity - Upon returning from vacation, employees are often refreshed and better 

able to catch up on work they may have missed, according to The New York Times.

Prevent/Cure burn out - According to PBS, employees nearing burnout have depleted their 

cognitive, physical and emotional resources. Vacations can help prevent or even cure 

burnout, which is the last state of chronic stress.

Increased mental power - Everyone needs time to rest their minds. Research by the 

University of California 

Irvine’s Gregory Hickok found that our brains don’t have a reserve pool to gather energy and 

power from. Therefore, it's important to give your mind a break!

Gain newer perspectives - CNN reported that when you take a break and step away from 

the problems and stresses you’re facing, you are bound to gain a new perspective. Perhaps 

you will come back from vacation with answers to issues that have been plaguing you.

Build relationships - Vacations promote bonding among family and friends; we can often 

look back at vacations with great fondness and warmth because of shared moments with 

loved ones. Even memories of the mishaps can bring laughter in future years!

It’s important that we slow down our pace in order to lead healthier lifestyles, including rest 

and relaxation for stress reduction as well as making time for the enjoyment of family and 

friends.

Source: http://national.deseretnews.com/article/2169/7-benefits-of-taking-vacation-time.

html#RCbLCsvrlcAh9GRf.99

- See more at:https://ed4online.com/blog/seven-benefits-takingvacation#sthash.g02kOUdX.dpuf

How to Stay the Course

How can you storm past the obstacles in your path to success? 

Imagine you're running a race on an obstacle course. If you keep your head down and merely jogged you won't have the momentum you need to jump the hurdles (knocking them down won't make you lose points in this race) or scale the walls.

To achieve your ultimate success without being knocked off-course, you'll need two tools:

•      Endurance
•      Destination  

Fuel for the Journey

The best athletes know that rest is as important as practice. In order to knock obstacles out of the way, achieve your goals, and stay the course, take time daily to refuel and recharge. How you feed your mind is just as important as fueling your body. Consider who you're around, what you read and what you listen to as your fuel. We don't want to run our race on empty. Let's build our endurance muscles for those obstacles by feeding our mind and body with the best ingredients and let's educate ourselves on how to best meet our goals.  

Maintain Your Momentum

Although some love moving fast! It's not always best to go from 0- 80, however once we build our momentum and get our energy flowing we're able to regulate the ebb and flow. Some hurdles call for a high leap and others a strategic climb, however, all require momentum. Whether the goal is to lose weight, start a business or save money, you have to be consistent. Hurdles will come, like gaining 2 pounds this week or those super cute pair of shoes on sale, however working diligently with the finish line in mind (even if it's not in view) will help keep you on track.  

Destination = Vision

We know the finish line is there however, we can't always see it. You already know where you’re going so on the other side of a mountain of debt, is financial freedom. On the other side of that paperwork is a non-profit status so you can serve in a greater way.  You know exactly where you're aiming to be, so let's view the markers along the race letting you know where you are. Writing your goals and having an accountability community is so important. Share your vision, it doesn't mean everyone will agree with you however you can find that partner to help you stay accountable to your ultimate goal. You may have heard, "get an accountability partner" before, however its particularly impactful when you're faced with obstacles or stumbling blocks on your path towards success. Make the time, ideally a few minutes each day, to visualize your success. Imagine it! Feel the joy! Truly building out the experience in your mind will help to make it a reality.

Building your endurance for the journey and keeping the vision of your ultimate success will ensure that you turn mountains into molehills.

How will you build your endurance to overcome your current obstacles? Let us know in the comments below. 

About the author: Sister Mothyna James-Brightful is a self proclaimed “Self Love Revolutionary”. She has spent the last decade empowering women and girls to live authentic lives. Sister Mothyna is the Visionary Director and Co-founder of Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation. Sister Mothyna is co-author of Because I am a Queen...100 Affirmations for Daily Living and author of Engage.Inspire. Prevent. Educating Teens on Sexual Violence. Stay connected www.hwhn.org: Twitter @mothyna

Walk In Your Own Heels!

Hello my sisters! 

It is officially summer. After the winter we just endured I will dare not complain on these hot days, even though it is tempting. One of the things I am observing the most is the conversations of women discussing their “summer bodies” and doing much comparing. At this time of year it is not uncommon to hear women not only comparing themselves to each other, but also to their former selves. I’m not sure that as women we understand how truly detrimental it is to our self-esteem and self-image to constantly compare ourselves to others. We must evolve to a place where we celebrate our own uniqueness and love the skin that we are in. Instead of trading places with women who appear to have everything we think we want, we must be confident enough to WALK IN OUR OWN HEELS!

In our conversations, as innocent as they seem, where we constantly compare ourselves to others and secretly desire to trade places with them; we are really truly harboring discontentment in our hearts. Discontentment eats away at our peace. It is hard to have peace when we are not content and satisfied with who and where we are. My sincere desire for all of you amazing women of God is to see you not only love God but also love yourselves, His workmanship. When you truly achieve healthy self-love and esteem you no longer desire to be anyone else or walk in their shoes. Instead you enjoy WALKING IN YOUR OWN HEELS.

You are God’s masterpiece! This passage lets us know that God has handcrafted us and we are his marvelous works. Think about it. We are always singing and exclaiming that He does all things well. Do we truly process the fact that we are included in that? We offer Him praise when we honor and appreciate His handiwork. You my sister are his marvelous handiwork! If you desire to be anything else you express to God that what He created wasn’t good enough; and we know everything He does is spectacular.

There is no else like you! Have you really thought about that? For the billions of people that have and will ever live there is not one like you. There is something unique and special you bring to the earth that not one soul can bring but you. When we spend time in the presence of God to discover what it is that makes us unique our self-esteem and self-love automatically increase. There is nothing as fulfilling as discovering what God gave you that He didn’t give anyone else. Once you discover your unique factor, you can continue to enhance your esteem and self-love by cultivating that skill/ability and sharpening what you have. Just like any other type of investment you will find that the more you invest in yourself the more value you will feel.

Your uniqueness will lead you to your purpose! The gifts and abilities that God has given you are a direct indicator to your purpose. Do you want to know why you are here and what you were created to do? Once you spend time in the presence of God and He reveals what makes you unique and your gifts you will find they will lead you right to what He has created you to do. Once you step into that purpose space that was personally designed just for you, you will never again feel the temptation to compare yourself to another sister or even desire to be her because you will be creating a life that you love!

I heard a singer recently say in their song, “I was losing at being you but I’m winning at being me.” That line really got stuck in my head. It is such a strong statement. When we attempt to be like other people we will always be mere copy. But why would we settle for a copy when we are already an original masterpiece of our own. No one can be you like you can so don’t leave that spot unclaimed. 

Enjoy being you my sister. The only person we should compare ourselves to is the person in the mirror and constantly making her better. Don’t desire to be anyone else. Walk confidently in your own heels!

Tiffany Bethea is an Author, Speaker, Mompreneur and founder of Lifestyle Brand She-EO Life. As a licensed minister and marketing consultant she combines personal development and business development to help women leaders master total life harmony and create lucrative business results. She-EO Life = Spirit, Soul, Body and Business Wellness.

www.tiffanybethea.com

@TiffanyLBethea

Tiffany Bethea

Author| Speaker| Mompreneur

7 Courageous Actions to Maximize the Queen in You

WOW!!




We are in the middle of an awesome 2-day tele-summit entitled, "Because I am a Queen" and it is pure awesomeness! Where else can you go as a woman to have every area of your life supported and celebrated and to TRULY get what you need? Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation!!


This tele-summit is for you to come and seek the answers for your next steps in your greatness. Because I Am a Queen offers practical steps and insights for those specific questions you need to ask yourself to become the confident queen you were created to be.


As I listened to all of the powerful information and saw all of the beautiful honesty, truths, and "Aha" moments posted in the Facebook group, I knew that this is definitely a training I will keep in my self development library as a refresher. We all have those moments when we question ourselves and wonder "Why I am doing this?" "Is it really worth it?" "Am I really equipped to do this?" This telesummit addressed how to handle yourself in those moments and to push past all of the negative people and thoughts that come your way. I am going to give you 7 of the Courageous Action Steps that I am holding onto from the first night of the call.  

1) Who are you? Of course you know your name, where you live, your parents, your occupation, etc,etc, but who ARE you? Do you know the essence of your being? Do you know the specific, individual, quirky, unique, amazing things about you that make you you? Do you know what makes you stand out and most importantly, do you own it? 


2) Why are you here? Once you know who you are, you can get clear about what you were created to do. We are each birthed into the world to solve a problem. You are on purpose.

 3) What’s holding you back? Ok, so you know who you are and why you are here, but you haven't taken action. Why? Because momma said it's not realistic? Your boyfriend said it's going to take too much time? Has your husband told you maybe later when you can fit it in the budget? Or maybe you told yourself you wouldn't be a good mother if you pursue it. Whatever "IT" is, recognize it and put some positivity on it. Positivity breeds progression. Allow yourself to honor your commit to your Creator by making a way to do what you are called to do.

4) 2There are 2 mindsets- Fixed and Growth- When you make the commit to move forward in your purpose, know that THAT is the moment when the work begins and it starts in the mind. It's ok. We all have to train those brain muscles to think about something other than math and history. You have to work the "I Can" brain muscle. We often fall into routines of living within boundaries that are set by others. sometimes we set our own unnecessary boundaries based off of what we see in other people. That "fixed" mindset says, "I can't. It won't work. That's not realistic." As we work that brain muscle and challenge it, we can create the "Growth" mindset that says, "I can. I will find a way to make it work because it is realistic." Have the growth mindset to realize there is more and go get it. And remember to build a community around you who support your "Growth mindset."

5) Get clear about what you want. This world is full of opportunity and options. It is completely true that everything is not for everybody. So what is for you? What are those desires of your heart? What motivates you? What keeps you going? Just as you are clear about your purpose and why you are here, get clear about what you want that will keep you here. Those things that bring joy and value to your life, those relationships, that lifestyle, that dream fulfilled, get clear about them and stay focused on them. Remind yourself of your goals, your dreams and your WHY. Great things come your way when you ask for what you want and what you need.  

6) Lift as you climb- I absolutely love this! As you grow, so does your community. The support system around you will get the trickle down of your efforts. There is room for everyone at the top, BUT, they must be willing. Don't be afraid to reach back and pull others up along with you. Know that someone is always waiting for you, and most of them you have never met. 

7) Don’t ask for permission. Give notice. BOOM!!! It doesn't get much realer than that! Stop waiting for someone else to say it's ok to live your purpose. Stop asking if someone will help and simply tell them how they can help. This is your life and your vision. No one else will ever do this thing like you so do it up and play full out!! 

I am so excited about what is in store for Part II of Because I Am a Queen. If you missed it, last night, do yourself a favor and make it a priority to join us tonight, July 22, 2015 at 9p EST. Register at www.hwhn.org and step into your royalty.


You are worth it.!


Kristin M. Young, “The Marriage Enthusiast” is a proud supporter and staff member of Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation, Inc. She is committed to supporting women in their journey to wholeness as individuals and in their marriages.