A few weeks ago, a guy posted a question on Instagram asking, “What happened to my queens?” And my response to him was, “They tried too hard to become Kings so that the Kings would pay them attention and mistakenly became Harlots because they saw that the Kings preferred them.” I call this “The Mirror Effect”. It’s where a woman mirrors a man’s behavior in hopes that he will then mirror hers in return. But what us women (yes me included) don’t understand is that while we move on emotion, men move on logic and reason. If something is working in their favor, they won’t see a reason to change. Let me give you an example: Man and woman meet, man says to woman, “I don’t want a relationship, I just want friends, maybe even a cut buddy from time to time.” Woman agrees (Mirrors him). Man and woman start hanging out and woman gives man some “cut”. Woman really starts to like man and starts to do things for man to show him that she is feeling him. In the back of woman’s mind, she is hoping that man is changing his mind and wanting more just as she has (hopes he mirrors her). But what woman fails to realize is man is getting what he wants and therefore sees no reason to change. Now this is not the case in every situation; there have been plenty of healthy relationships where this “practice” has worked in the woman’s favor. But let me serve as a voice of reason to my ladies; the way to a man’s heart is NOT through YOUR vagina. Fortunately or unfortunately; however you may look at it, men are wired differently. Their natural instinct is to procreate that is why they are able to separate sex from their emotions. IF THEY CHOOSE TO. We are not conditioned in this regard. Now I understand that some of the blame should be put on them as well, but it’s time for us women to have accountability for our own actions and stop pointing the finger elsewhere when we have the power to change our lives. I know some of the blame can go to our fathers for not being there and some to our mothers for not knowing how to give us that paternal love but at some point in our lives, we must take a look at what we are doing to cause the strife in our lives.
We gotta get back to the days where the men were the pursuers because the women knew their value and wouldn’t allow for anything less. “(S)he who chooses, holds the power”. Ladies, we gotta get our power back. We have to understand that we have the power, yes fellas THE POWER; to make a man do ANYTHING we want him to without him laying one finger on our body. My mother used to always tell me, “Never reveal all your cards to a man up front.” We must keep an air of mystery ladies, keep them guessing, keep them engaged. Not being so available. We need to remove the mirrors from his face and place them in front of our own. We must get back to making ourselves happy first. Not compromising our Queendom just to emulate his supreme when his duties as King are different than our own.
I know that our Queens are still out there and I have faith that we can gain our power back and once again reign supreme.
Tiera Gray
Tiera has launched her Love Sex & Baggage movement in hopes to bridge the gap between men and women and help destroy the myths that each sex has in regards to each other. This movement is meant to inspire, intrigue, and provoke all your senses and evoke change in your love life. She has also launched her highly anticipated new web series, “The Amazing Woman’s Guide to Loving Her Single Life” on the Love Sex & Baggage You Tube channel which takes a modern day look at single women today trying to navigate their way through dating.
Her next book, “The Girl in the Uhaul” is scheduled to release August 2016!
To see or hear more of what Tiera Nicole has going on, check her out:
http://www.facebook.com/iamtieranicole
http://www.youtube.com/lovesexbaggage
Instagram- @Iam_TieraNicole
http://www.facebook.com/iamtieranicole
http://www.youtube.com/lovesexbaggage
Instagram- @Iam_TieraNicole
