For many years I shrunk my
greatness to make others feel comfortable. During
the entire process, I did not realize I was rejecting my true authentic voice
and being. See, I tried to conform into who the world said I should be rather
than how God created me to be. During
this time of conforming, I lost a sense of self, I compared myself to others, I
put way too much attention on my outward appearance, all the while ignoring the
inner healing and nurturing I desperately needed.
The crazy thing is, I walked around, thinking I was
cute and accomplished, having no clue. I did not know who I really was because
over the years I gave away my power and position for other people to manage.
This finally came full circle in 2009 when a guy I
was dating, asked me to meet his mother.
I was so excited! He had the bomb
resume from a great career, new luxurious vehicle that he purchased in cash, he
was financially stable, and of course, he was good looking; all the essentials,
or so I thought. You could not tell me I
did not hit the jackpot with this one!
I started to get ready by picking out my outfit,
spending hours fixing my hair, ironing, ensuring I had my Brown Sugar body
lotion and my DKNY Delicious Apple perfume, then I put on my MAC makeup and
finally I was ready to go.
I pulled
up to his house, he greeted me at the door, let me in and introduced me to
his mother. She asked me what fragrance I was wearing because she
loved it! Of course, I told her. At that time, I was operating in my
introvert personality, so I was not very talkative. So we exchanged a few
words but not much was discussed that evening. After spending a few hours
with him and his mother, I headed home before it got too late. I
left thinking I really made a good impression.
When I talked to him later that week, I discovered that his mom thought I was
sweet and beautiful. When I heard this, I was extremely disappointed that
"sweet" was the only thing his mom could find to say about me. I wanted to be known as smart, having a good
head on my shoulder; being “wifey-material”;
having the potential to be a good mother one day; a woman who was
passionate about youth; women and family; a child of God; authentic; loving; a
multiplier; a leader etc. I wanted to be much more than a sweet and
beautiful southern girl.
At that
moment, sitting on my bed after ending the conversation, it suddenly
hit me like a ton of bricks! I received a good return on my investment. I invested all my time preparing my outward
appearance, making sure I looked good and in return praise on my outward
appearance was what I received.
See, I lacked self-awareness, I felt beautiful on
the outside, but I was self-conscious about how my behavior and communication
came off to other people. To make matters
worse, I wasn’t even aware of how I had been showing up in the world until this
point in my life when I received this feedback that was not at all what I
expected. Needless to say, my relationship with this guy
ended shortly thereafter. His last words to me were “take care”. And indeed I did, after that point, I started
to discover my self-worth and I found my authentic voice which resulted in me
being more confident in all areas of my life.
Before
you can be confident, you have to know your self-worth and love yourself
unconditionally; you have to first be aware of who you are. How are you showing up in the world?
The next major milestone is to accept who you
are from your behavior, communication, your appearances and your past
experiences. See you set the standard
for how the world treats you. If you don’t accept who you are, why would
anyone else?
Detach your value from how you
look, what you say, what you do, your marital status, your followers or what
someone else is doing on your job or in their business. You are valued because
you are a precious soul who loves, who cares and who was custom made for a
specific purpose. It is not about what
you do, it is all about who you are and how much you like yourself!
There
are 10 Undeniable Things You Must Do to move forward to reinventing yourself to
become the Version of Yourself, boost your confidence, self-worth and find your
true authentic voice.
1.) Know
thy Self!
The
First thing is to know yourself. If you
want to elevate your self–worth, you have to love yourself. You cannot love
yourself if you haven’t taken the time to get to know who you really are. In a
society, where there is so much pressure to fall into certain categories
whether that is: body size, hair texture, education or race; you can lose a
sense of self. Take time to write out
your core values and beliefs, write out your strengths and weaknesses, and
write out your most favorable physical features and your less favorable
features. Then I dare you to make a decision to accept and love your
self-unconditionally. Once you do that,
you put other people on notice that they must take you as you are or not at
all!
2.) To
Thy Own Self Be True!
Once you identify what your core values and
beliefs are, stay true to who you are!
There will be times where you feel the pressure to go against what feels
natural to you or what that inner voice is whispering to you against your
better judgment. But don’t you dare! The moment you do, is the moment you betray
yourself the person that loves you the most, YOU; for the approval of someone
who may not even be around six months from now.
3.) Free
Yourself From the Opinions of Others!
People
are always going to have something to say.
Make a declaration that other
people’s opinion of you is really none of your business; it is their business,
their problem! Do right by you!
Everyone else will either have to accept it or reject it and you just have to
be okay either way.
4.) Accept
Yourself Completely, Flaws and All!
Reflect
on the things you don’t like about yourself and make a decision to embrace that
as your uniqueness. I struggled with
accepting my nose. People teased me
growing up by saying I looked like Gonzo (from Sesame Street) and that I had a
neck like a giraffe. In addition, I
hated my middle name, but I made a choice that I would find something to love
about all of these things and you can too!
Let your difference define your
uniqueness!
5.) Let-go
of Past Guilt and Shame. You are Forgiven!
Past
failures and shortcomings, if not released and freed can keep you in a place of
guilt and shame. Everyone has a past and
we all have done something that we are not so proud to admit. What I have
learned is some of the most prosperous ministries and businesses where birthed
from these same incidents that we hide, deny and keep ourselves. Think of Sarah Jakes Roberts who shared the
one thing she was most ashamed of, having a child at the age of 13 years old
and now she shares her mistakes to teach the message of God’s grace. The first step is to forgive yourself, then
confess that you messed up, and make sure that it is not from a place of
embarrassment, but from a place of an overcomer. Perhaps your mess will be your message or
maybe it was just a trial to make you a better woman, mother, wife, or friend. Every
experience you have is equipping you for a destined future.
6.) Time
Out on Waiting for Someone Else to Validate You, Validate Yourself!
You are
perfectly you! You are smart enough, you
are beautiful enough, you have the ability to communicate, you have the ability
to speak and do everything that is required for you to accomplish the mission
you have been called to complete. No one is going to crown you as queen and
say, yes you are worthy to wear your crown.
You don’t have to wait for someone to give you the crown and throne. It is your birthright! So claim it!
7.) Learn
to Give Yourself a Break!
Oftentimes
we can be our own biggest critics.
Listen, you are going to make mistakes and fall short. Some level of failed attempts are a pre-requisite for success. Understand that it is just what is required to
get you from your dream to your destiny.
So give yourself a break. If you
mess up, get back up and try again. You
just learned another way that doesn’t work! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sometimes just say to yourself that is okay,
I will get it the next time! Pick-up and go back even harder giving 110% of
yourself to your dream.
8.) Stop Focusing on Perfection and Shift to
Planning and Preparation!
You may
be a perfectionist and I get it. There
is nothing wrong with wanting things to be neat and in order. The challenge is taking the time in advance
to properly plan out what is required in terms of resources time, money and
energy to get something accomplished.
Although you may be the responsible person, you don’t need to do
everything yourself. Get some help even
if it is hiring a virtual assistance, housekeeper, a life or business coach. Use preparation to boost your readiness and your
confidence!
9.) Take
Care of You First! Mind, Body, Spirit!
It is
just like being on a plane and the flight attendants tells you to make sure you
secure your own oxygen mask before trying to assist others; be it little
children or an elderly adult. The pilot as well as the
attendants, understand that if you don’t put on your oxygen mask first,
you may die and then a helpless child won’t be able to figure out how to put on
their oxygen mask. Make sure you are receiving sufficient oxygen (food, water,
exercise, rest etc.) so that you can make sure that others (your kids, your husband,
co-workers, your elderly parents) will get what they need. Talk through life
issues, invest in yourself by getting the necessary books or programs so you
can live smarter and not harder. Stay connected to your Creator by praying,
worshipping, and reading daily.
10.) Trust Yourself, Your Heart Knows
the Answer!
Sometimes you will have to turn
down the outside noise, so you can hear your own voice. No one knows you better than you! Avoid the temptation of always seeking
the opinion of others for personal decisions. There is a place to seek wise
counsel when facing major life decisions like buying a house, who you will
marry or making a business decision. But
most times, you just need to follow your gut instinct and trust your heart knows
the answer.
I
challenge you to first get to know yourself and then make 21 declarations about
how fabulous you are and read these declarations every day for the next 21 days. You will walk away more confident, more
whole, more attractive, more loveable, more balanced, more poise and more
powerful in your relationship and in the space you occupy.
HWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNH
Jill
Bulluck is a life and relationship expert that helps women become the best
version of themselves by reinventing their identity and showing up as their
true authentic self. She is also the
founder of Detour Movement Inc., a mission based organization for young girls
and women to establish and maintain healthy relationship with God, themselves
and others. Jill prepares and positions professional single women to make
the right choice in their dating relationships. As a result of the work
she does, women break free from unhealthy relationships, establish and
maintains healthy happy love, gain confidence and boldness to attract and keep
healthy happy relationships that leads to marriage.
Jill is the host of the Fabulous I
Am Conference which gathers over 100 women each year to release, restore, and
renew their mind, body and spirit so they can transform their life. Jill is the
future best-selling author of Be the Best Version of You
Dispelling the Lies and Uncovering the Truth of a Fabulous You!
Jill has developed coaching programs, presentations, workbooks, and events to
empower youth and women to achieve personal, spiritual and relationship goals.
She is trained in conflict resolution and a certified mentor/mentee
coach.
