Reinvent Your Life! 10 Undeniable Ways to Boost Your Confidence & Find Your Authentic Voice!

For many years I shrunk my greatness to make others feel comfortable. During the entire process, I did not realize I was rejecting my true authentic voice and being. See, I tried to conform into who the world said I should be rather than how God created me to be.  During this time of conforming, I lost a sense of self, I compared myself to others, I put way too much attention on my outward appearance, all the while ignoring the inner healing and nurturing I desperately needed.

The crazy thing is, I walked around, thinking I was cute and accomplished, having no clue. I did not know who I really was because over the years I gave away my power and position for other people to manage.

This finally came full circle in 2009 when a guy I was dating, asked me to meet his mother.  I was so excited!  He had the bomb resume from a great career, new luxurious vehicle that he purchased in cash, he was financially stable, and of course, he was good looking; all the essentials, or so I thought.  You could not tell me I did not hit the jackpot with this one!  

I started to get ready by picking out my outfit, spending hours fixing my hair, ironing, ensuring I had my Brown Sugar body lotion and my DKNY Delicious Apple perfume, then I put on my MAC makeup and finally I was ready to go.

I pulled up to his house, he greeted me at the door, let me in and introduced me to his mother.  She asked me what fragrance I was wearing because she loved it! Of course, I told her.  At that time, I was operating in my introvert personality, so I was not very talkative.  So we exchanged a few words but not much was discussed that evening.  After spending a few hours with him and his mother, I headed home before it got too late. I left thinking I really made a good impression.

When I talked to him later that week, I discovered that his mom thought I was sweet and beautiful.  When I heard this, I was extremely disappointed that "sweet" was the only thing his mom could find to say about me.  I wanted to be known as smart, having a good head on my shoulder; being “wifey-material”;  having the potential to be a good mother one day; a woman who was passionate about youth; women and family; a child of God; authentic; loving; a multiplier; a leader etc.  I wanted to be much more than a sweet and beautiful southern girl. 

At that moment, sitting on my bed after ending the conversation, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks! I received a good return on my investment.  I invested all my time preparing my outward appearance, making sure I looked good and in return praise on my outward appearance was what I received.  

See, I lacked self-awareness, I felt beautiful on the outside, but I was self-conscious about how my behavior and communication came off to other people.  To make matters worse, I wasn’t even aware of how I had been showing up in the world until this point in my life when I received this feedback that was not at all what I expected.  Needless to say, my relationship with this guy ended shortly thereafter. His last words to me were “take care”.  And indeed I did, after that point, I started to discover my self-worth and I found my authentic voice which resulted in me being more confident in all areas of my life.

Before you can be confident, you have to know your self-worth and love yourself unconditionally; you have to first be aware of who you are. How are you showing up in the world? 

The next major milestone is to accept who you are from your behavior, communication, your appearances and your past experiences. See you set the standard for how the world treats you. If you don’t accept who you are, why would anyone else?
Detach your value from how you look, what you say, what you do, your marital status, your followers or what someone else is doing on your job or in their business. You are valued because you are a precious soul who loves, who cares and who was custom made for a specific purpose.  It is not about what you do, it is all about who you are and how much you like yourself!  

There are 10 Undeniable Things You Must Do to move forward to reinventing yourself to become the Version of Yourself, boost your confidence, self-worth and find your true authentic voice.

1.)    Know thy Self!

The First thing is to know yourself.  If you want to elevate your self–worth, you have to love yourself. You cannot love yourself if you haven’t taken the time to get to know who you really are.  In a society, where there is so much pressure to fall into certain categories whether that is: body size, hair texture, education or race; you can lose a sense of self.  Take time to write out your core values and beliefs, write out your strengths and weaknesses, and write out your most favorable physical features and your less favorable features.  Then I dare you to make a decision to accept and love your self-unconditionally.  Once you do that, you put other people on notice that they must take you as you are or not at all!

2.)    To Thy Own Self Be True!

Once you identify what your core values and beliefs are, stay true to who you are!  There will be times where you feel the pressure to go against what feels natural to you or what that inner voice is whispering to you against your better judgment.  But don’t you dare!  The moment you do, is the moment you betray yourself the person that loves you the most, YOU; for the approval of someone who may not even be around six months from now.

3.)    Free Yourself From the Opinions of Others!

People are always going to have something to say.  Make a declaration that other people’s opinion of you is really none of your business; it is their business, their problem!  Do right by you! Everyone else will either have to accept it or reject it and you just have to be okay either way.

4.)    Accept Yourself Completely, Flaws and All!

Reflect on the things you don’t like about yourself and make a decision to embrace that as your uniqueness.  I struggled with accepting my nose.  People teased me growing up by saying I looked like Gonzo (from Sesame Street) and that I had a neck like a giraffe.  In addition, I hated my middle name, but I made a choice that I would find something to love about all of these things and you can too!  Let your difference define your uniqueness! 

5.)    Let-go of Past Guilt and Shame. You are Forgiven!

Past failures and shortcomings, if not released and freed can keep you in a place of guilt and shame.  Everyone has a past and we all have done something that we are not so proud to admit. What I have learned is some of the most prosperous ministries and businesses where birthed from these same incidents that we hide, deny and keep ourselves.  Think of Sarah Jakes Roberts who shared the one thing she was most ashamed of, having a child at the age of 13 years old and now she shares her mistakes to teach the message of God’s grace.  The first step is to forgive yourself, then confess that you messed up, and make sure that it is not from a place of embarrassment, but from a place of an overcomer.  Perhaps your mess will be your message or maybe it was just a trial to make you a better woman, mother, wife, or friend.  Every experience you have is equipping you for a destined future.

6.)    Time Out on Waiting for Someone Else to Validate You, Validate Yourself!

You are perfectly you!  You are smart enough, you are beautiful enough, you have the ability to communicate, you have the ability to speak and do everything that is required for you to accomplish the mission you have been called to complete.  No one is going to crown you as queen and say, yes you are worthy to wear your crown.  You don’t have to wait for someone to give you the crown and throne.  It is your birthright!  So claim it!

7.)    Learn to Give Yourself a Break!

Oftentimes we can be our own biggest critics.  Listen, you are going to make mistakes and fall short.  Some level of failed attempts are a pre-requisite for success.  Understand that it is just what is required to get you from your dream to your destiny.  So give yourself a break.  If you mess up, get back up and try again.  You just learned another way that doesn’t work! Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Sometimes just say to yourself that is okay, I will get it the next time! Pick-up and go back even harder giving 110% of yourself to your dream.

8.)     Stop Focusing on Perfection and Shift to Planning and Preparation!

You may be a perfectionist and I get it.  There is nothing wrong with wanting things to be neat and in order.  The challenge is taking the time in advance to properly plan out what is required in terms of resources time, money and energy to get something accomplished.  Although you may be the responsible person, you don’t need to do everything yourself.  Get some help even if it is hiring a virtual assistance, housekeeper, a life or business coach.  Use preparation to boost your readiness and your confidence!

9.)    Take Care of You First! Mind, Body, Spirit!

It is just like being on a plane and the flight attendants tells you to make sure you secure your own oxygen mask before trying to assist others; be it little children or an elderly adult.  The pilot as well as the attendants, understand that if you don’t put on your oxygen mask first, you may die and then a helpless child won’t be able to figure out how to put on their oxygen mask. Make sure you are receiving sufficient oxygen (food, water, exercise, rest etc.) so that you can make sure that others (your kids, your husband, co-workers, your elderly parents) will get what they need. Talk through life issues, invest in yourself by getting the necessary books or programs so you can live smarter and not harder. Stay connected to your Creator by praying, worshipping, and reading daily.

10.) Trust Yourself, Your Heart Knows the Answer!

Sometimes you will have to turn down the outside noise, so you can hear your own voice.  No one knows you better than you! Avoid the temptation of always seeking the opinion of others for personal decisions. There is a place to seek wise counsel when facing major life decisions like buying a house, who you will marry or making a business decision.  But most times, you just need to follow your gut instinct and trust your heart knows the answer. 

I challenge you to first get to know yourself and then make 21 declarations about how fabulous you are and read these declarations every day for the next 21 days.  You will walk away more confident, more whole, more attractive, more loveable, more balanced, more poise and more powerful in your relationship and in the space you occupy.

HWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNH

Jill Bulluck is a life and relationship expert that helps women become the best version of themselves by reinventing their identity and showing up as their true authentic self.  She is also the founder of Detour Movement Inc., a mission based organization for young girls and women to establish and maintain healthy relationship with God, themselves and others.  Jill prepares and positions professional single women to make the right choice in their dating relationships.  As a result of the work she does, women break free from unhealthy relationships, establish and maintains healthy happy love, gain confidence and boldness to attract and keep healthy happy relationships that leads to marriage.

Jill is the host of the Fabulous I Am Conference which gathers over 100 women each year to release, restore, and renew their mind, body and spirit so they can transform their life. Jill is the future best-selling author of Be the Best Version of You Dispelling the Lies and Uncovering the Truth of a Fabulous You! Jill has developed coaching programs, presentations, workbooks, and events to empower youth and women to achieve personal, spiritual and relationship goals.  She is trained in conflict resolution and a certified mentor/mentee coach.

10 Ways to Get Paid to Do What You Love

Over the last few years, I’ve met hundreds of women all over the country who want to finally stop talking and start doing what it takes to build a business doing what they love. And what I’ve noticed is that many women in our community aren’t even aware of all the opportunities that are out there for them to create multiple streams of income based on their passion, skills, expertise and experience. So I wanted to give you a dose of inspiration and motivation that will help you build your business with less stress and more confidence.

As my gift to you, I’ve put together a summary of the 10 different streams of income you can create based on your passion, skills, expertise and experience. Now, these are not just theories or random ideas. These are all areas that I’ve actually made money in through both of my businesses over the last six years. I hope you find them helpful as you brainstorm strategies to earn more money in your business this year!

1. Freelancing

You can earn income through offering contracted services in a specific area such as photography, web/graphic design, personal styling, copywriting, editing, social media management or personal training. You can offer your services by the hour or in a package, depending on what you offer. As a freelance writer, I was paid a monthly fee for producing several articles per week for a career website.

2. Consulting

You can get paid generous fees for advising businesses, nonprofits, churches and government agencies in your area of expertise. Consultants typically provide key deliverables as part of a time-bound contract, which typically runs for a few months to a year. As a nonprofit consultant, I maintained two long-term contracts with organizations that borrowed my brain and my time for 10 hours per week.

3. Speaking

You can build a lucrative stream of income as a keynote speaker or workshop leader for conferences all around the world. It’s a great way to make a difference with your message AND get paid to travel at the same time! I’ve been a professional speaker since 2008, with more than 100 clients from New York to Nebraska who have paid me to teach, inspire and motivate their audiences. I suggest you start by speaking for free at local events and attracting paid gigs from there. 

4. Training

You can earn a good living as a trainer for the staff or members of businesses, associations, nonprofits, churches or government agencies. Training is usually done with a smaller group than you would speak for at a conference, which allows you go more in-depth with a 90-minute, half-day or full-day session on a specific learning goal. As a trainer, I’ve worked with staff to get them up to speed on social media, show them how to manage millennial employees and build their leadership skills in the workplace.

5. Coaching

You can help people all over the world through coaching in person, on the phone or via Skype. The five most popular areas are life, career, business, health and relationship coaching. Most coaches either charge by the hour or create packages of sessions to help clients reach their goals over a period of one month up to a year. As a life, career and business coach, I’ve helped clients change jobs, improve their lifestyle, switch careers and build businesses doing what they love.

6. Online classes, courses & programs

You can earn income by teaching what you know via teleseminars, webinars, homestudy programs and audio/video trainings. I’ve been teaching online classes since 2010 when I was still an adjunct professor in DC. What I found was that I could make a lot more money with my own courses than I ever would teaching part-time at a university! Once you establish yourself as an expert online, you can begin to offer opportunities for your tribe to learn from you. Setting up a blog and writing useful articles on a weekly basis would be a great way to start building your audience!

7. Physical products

You can add physical products to your business to earn additional income. Items like t-shirts, jewelry, mugs, purses, CDs and DVDs are becoming easier and easier to sell due to advanced online technology. You can post your items on Etsy or Ebay, then ship them out when you receive orders. I’ve sold branded Happy Black Woman t-shirts and mugs through Zazzle over the past year – people love giving them as gifts!

8. Books and ebooks

You can create another income stream by adding books to your business, in either paperback, PDF or Kindle format. I have self-published both a paperback and an ebook on PDF and Kindle. The process is relatively simple and the revenue potential is huge if you can build a following and a brand related to your book(s). The paperback book that I co-wrote back in 2010 is still producing passive income with sales on Amazon.com!

9. Blogging

You can earn money with your blog by participating in affiliate marketing or placing advertising on your site. I’ve been blogging since 2007 and I’ve seen several hundreds of dollars of advertising income come in on my best traffic months! The downside to this income opportunity is that you do have to post often and be getting a decent amount of traffic to your blog to really see some profit. So it’s not the best option for those just starting out, but the potential is huge for adding another income stream through your blog.

10. Live events

You can bring in additional income through hosting your own workshops, conferences and retreats. They can be local or national in scope from a three-hour workshop to a week-long retreat! I held my first paid event back in 2011 as a weekend career training intensive that brought 11 attendees from all over the country. If you have valuable knowledge, resources and tools to share, people will be  excited to come learn from you in person.

Last year, I brought in 30% more revenue than I did the year before, all because I had multiple streams of income coming into my business. I highly recommend that you implement at least one of these additional income streams so that you can grow your business and enjoy the freedom that comes along with being a successful entrepreneur!

About the Author:

Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to empowering women through personal development, leadership and entrepreneurship. She is the founder of Happy Black Woman, a supportive community that helps women create lives of happiness, success and freedom.

Rosetta teaches women, step-by-step, how to find their purpose, take action on their goals and build businesses doing what they love, all while becoming happier and more fulfilled. Rosetta’s clients and students value her “tough love” approach to helping them achieve powerful breakthroughs in their lives.

Rosetta is an avid traveler and currently resides in beautiful Honolulu, Hawaii. When she’s not writing or teaching, Rosetta enjoys good food, good music and a good mai tai. Preferably all at the same time!

Connect with Rosetta at the Unlimited You Weekend April 10-12, 2015. www.unlimited15.com

The Life You Want Tour Nuggets

Our team was blessed to participate in the DC Oprah’s the Life You Want tour which had so many aha moments. 

Here are some amazing quotable nuggets. The first section is from Oprah and then we share some nuggets from Mark Nepo, Rob Bell and  Iyanla Vanzant.

You must have sunrise faith. The sun will always rise no matter how dark it gets.- Oprah

With the rising of the sun, you ask, “What will make of this NEW day?”

I want us all to fulfill our greatest potential. To find one calling, and summon the courage to live it.

Turn up the volume on your life, you are co-creating it.

What have you been called to do?

Your job, if you are here is to honor your calling.

Create the highest, grandest vision for your life. Then let every step move you in that direction.

Your life is constantly speaking to you.  It always comes in a whisper. Pay attention to the whispers.

The ordinary moments of your life are creating the extraordinary of your life.

With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas — thought by thought, choice by choice.

Nothing you were meant to have was meant to stay with you.

The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life of your dreams.

Ask yourself what does YES feel like. Energy is everything. Be responsible for the energy you bring into this room. 

Together, we rise. After you’ve done all you can do surrender. Whatever you are going through is to get you through. Make a shift and be grateful for it instead of complaining about it.  You are living the reality if your beliefs right now.

Every one of us is looking for the same thing — we want to know we matter. We want to know we were heard.

Strive to be full of yourself, a cup running over so you can give to others.

With the setting of the sun, my heart I filled with gratitude for yet another day to live on purpose.

The longest journey of your life is from your head to your heart. – Mark Nepo

Two key lessons:  No one can live your life for you. No one can do it alone.

Our light is revealed as our gift strikes against the needs of the world.

The life you want begins by embracing the life you have. -Rob Bell

Excessive pain will render you unconscious. – Iyanla Vanzant

Life is really on your side.  Life talks you must learn to listen. If you made it through you past, you passed. Life always tells you the truth your job is to recognize and accept it.

Three Feet from Gold

Excerpt from THINK AND GROW RICH by NAPOLEON HILL

THREE FEET FROM GOLD

One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another. An uncle of R. U. Darby was caught by the "gold fever" in the gold rush days, and went west to DIG AND GROW RICH. He had never heard that more gold has been mined from the brains of men than has ever been taken from the earth. He staked a claim and went to work with pick and shovel. The going was hard, but his lust for gold was definite.

After weeks of labor, he was rewarded by the discovery of the shining ore. He needed machinery to bring the ore to the surface. Quietly, he covered up the mine, retraced his footsteps to his home in Williamsburg, Maryland, told his relatives and a few neighbors of the "strike." They got together money for the needed machinery, had it shipped. The uncle and Darby went back to work the mine.

The first car of ore was mined, and shipped to a smelter. The returns proved they had one of the richest mines in Colorado! A few more cars of that ore would clear the debts. Then would come the big killing in profits.

Down went the drills! Up went the hopes of Darby and Uncle! Then something happened! The vein of gold ore disappeared! They had come to the end of the rainbow, and the pot of gold was no longer there! They drilled on, desperately trying to pick up the vein again-all to no avail.

Finally, they decided to QUIT. They sold the machinery to a junk man for a few hundred dollars, and took the train back home. Some "junk" men are dumb, but not this one! He called in a mining engineer to look at the mine and do a little calculating. The engineer advised that the project had failed, because the owners were not familiar with "fault lines." His calculations showed that the vein would be found JUST THREE FEET FROM WHERE THE DARBYS HAD STOPPED DRILLING! That is exactly where it was found!

The "Junk" man took millions of dollars in ore from the mine, because he knew enough to seek expert counsel before giving up. Most of the money which went into the machinery was procured through the efforts of R. U. Darby, who was then a very young man. The money came from his relatives and neighbors, because of their faith in him. He paid back every dollar of it, although he was years in doing so.

Long afterward, Mr. Darby recouped his loss many times over, when he made the discovery that DESIRE can be transmuted into gold. The discovery came after he went into the business of selling life insurance.

Remembering that he lost a huge fortune, because he STOPPED three feet from gold, Darby profited by the experience in his chosen work, by the simple method of saying to himself, "I stopped three feet from gold, but I will never stop because men say v no' when I ask them to buy insurance."

Darby is one of a small group of fewer than fifty men who sell more than a million dollars in life insurance annually. He owes his "stickability" to the lesson he learned from his "quitability" in the gold mining business.

Before success comes in any man's life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and, perhaps, some failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to QUIT. That is exactly what the majority of men do.

More than five hundred of the most successful men this country has ever known, told the author their greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which defeat had overtaken them. Failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning.

It takes great delight in tripping one when success is almost within reach.