Reinvent Your Life! 10 Undeniable Ways to Boost Your Confidence & Find Your Authentic Voice!

For many years I shrunk my greatness to make others feel comfortable. During the entire process, I did not realize I was rejecting my true authentic voice and being. See, I tried to conform into who the world said I should be rather than how God created me to be.  During this time of conforming, I lost a sense of self, I compared myself to others, I put way too much attention on my outward appearance, all the while ignoring the inner healing and nurturing I desperately needed.

The crazy thing is, I walked around, thinking I was cute and accomplished, having no clue. I did not know who I really was because over the years I gave away my power and position for other people to manage.

This finally came full circle in 2009 when a guy I was dating, asked me to meet his mother.  I was so excited!  He had the bomb resume from a great career, new luxurious vehicle that he purchased in cash, he was financially stable, and of course, he was good looking; all the essentials, or so I thought.  You could not tell me I did not hit the jackpot with this one!  

I started to get ready by picking out my outfit, spending hours fixing my hair, ironing, ensuring I had my Brown Sugar body lotion and my DKNY Delicious Apple perfume, then I put on my MAC makeup and finally I was ready to go.

I pulled up to his house, he greeted me at the door, let me in and introduced me to his mother.  She asked me what fragrance I was wearing because she loved it! Of course, I told her.  At that time, I was operating in my introvert personality, so I was not very talkative.  So we exchanged a few words but not much was discussed that evening.  After spending a few hours with him and his mother, I headed home before it got too late. I left thinking I really made a good impression.

When I talked to him later that week, I discovered that his mom thought I was sweet and beautiful.  When I heard this, I was extremely disappointed that "sweet" was the only thing his mom could find to say about me.  I wanted to be known as smart, having a good head on my shoulder; being “wifey-material”;  having the potential to be a good mother one day; a woman who was passionate about youth; women and family; a child of God; authentic; loving; a multiplier; a leader etc.  I wanted to be much more than a sweet and beautiful southern girl. 

At that moment, sitting on my bed after ending the conversation, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks! I received a good return on my investment.  I invested all my time preparing my outward appearance, making sure I looked good and in return praise on my outward appearance was what I received.  

See, I lacked self-awareness, I felt beautiful on the outside, but I was self-conscious about how my behavior and communication came off to other people.  To make matters worse, I wasn’t even aware of how I had been showing up in the world until this point in my life when I received this feedback that was not at all what I expected.  Needless to say, my relationship with this guy ended shortly thereafter. His last words to me were “take care”.  And indeed I did, after that point, I started to discover my self-worth and I found my authentic voice which resulted in me being more confident in all areas of my life.

Before you can be confident, you have to know your self-worth and love yourself unconditionally; you have to first be aware of who you are. How are you showing up in the world? 

The next major milestone is to accept who you are from your behavior, communication, your appearances and your past experiences. See you set the standard for how the world treats you. If you don’t accept who you are, why would anyone else?
Detach your value from how you look, what you say, what you do, your marital status, your followers or what someone else is doing on your job or in their business. You are valued because you are a precious soul who loves, who cares and who was custom made for a specific purpose.  It is not about what you do, it is all about who you are and how much you like yourself!  

There are 10 Undeniable Things You Must Do to move forward to reinventing yourself to become the Version of Yourself, boost your confidence, self-worth and find your true authentic voice.

1.)    Know thy Self!

The First thing is to know yourself.  If you want to elevate your self–worth, you have to love yourself. You cannot love yourself if you haven’t taken the time to get to know who you really are.  In a society, where there is so much pressure to fall into certain categories whether that is: body size, hair texture, education or race; you can lose a sense of self.  Take time to write out your core values and beliefs, write out your strengths and weaknesses, and write out your most favorable physical features and your less favorable features.  Then I dare you to make a decision to accept and love your self-unconditionally.  Once you do that, you put other people on notice that they must take you as you are or not at all!

2.)    To Thy Own Self Be True!

Once you identify what your core values and beliefs are, stay true to who you are!  There will be times where you feel the pressure to go against what feels natural to you or what that inner voice is whispering to you against your better judgment.  But don’t you dare!  The moment you do, is the moment you betray yourself the person that loves you the most, YOU; for the approval of someone who may not even be around six months from now.

3.)    Free Yourself From the Opinions of Others!

People are always going to have something to say.  Make a declaration that other people’s opinion of you is really none of your business; it is their business, their problem!  Do right by you! Everyone else will either have to accept it or reject it and you just have to be okay either way.

4.)    Accept Yourself Completely, Flaws and All!

Reflect on the things you don’t like about yourself and make a decision to embrace that as your uniqueness.  I struggled with accepting my nose.  People teased me growing up by saying I looked like Gonzo (from Sesame Street) and that I had a neck like a giraffe.  In addition, I hated my middle name, but I made a choice that I would find something to love about all of these things and you can too!  Let your difference define your uniqueness! 

5.)    Let-go of Past Guilt and Shame. You are Forgiven!

Past failures and shortcomings, if not released and freed can keep you in a place of guilt and shame.  Everyone has a past and we all have done something that we are not so proud to admit. What I have learned is some of the most prosperous ministries and businesses where birthed from these same incidents that we hide, deny and keep ourselves.  Think of Sarah Jakes Roberts who shared the one thing she was most ashamed of, having a child at the age of 13 years old and now she shares her mistakes to teach the message of God’s grace.  The first step is to forgive yourself, then confess that you messed up, and make sure that it is not from a place of embarrassment, but from a place of an overcomer.  Perhaps your mess will be your message or maybe it was just a trial to make you a better woman, mother, wife, or friend.  Every experience you have is equipping you for a destined future.

6.)    Time Out on Waiting for Someone Else to Validate You, Validate Yourself!

You are perfectly you!  You are smart enough, you are beautiful enough, you have the ability to communicate, you have the ability to speak and do everything that is required for you to accomplish the mission you have been called to complete.  No one is going to crown you as queen and say, yes you are worthy to wear your crown.  You don’t have to wait for someone to give you the crown and throne.  It is your birthright!  So claim it!

7.)    Learn to Give Yourself a Break!

Oftentimes we can be our own biggest critics.  Listen, you are going to make mistakes and fall short.  Some level of failed attempts are a pre-requisite for success.  Understand that it is just what is required to get you from your dream to your destiny.  So give yourself a break.  If you mess up, get back up and try again.  You just learned another way that doesn’t work! Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Sometimes just say to yourself that is okay, I will get it the next time! Pick-up and go back even harder giving 110% of yourself to your dream.

8.)     Stop Focusing on Perfection and Shift to Planning and Preparation!

You may be a perfectionist and I get it.  There is nothing wrong with wanting things to be neat and in order.  The challenge is taking the time in advance to properly plan out what is required in terms of resources time, money and energy to get something accomplished.  Although you may be the responsible person, you don’t need to do everything yourself.  Get some help even if it is hiring a virtual assistance, housekeeper, a life or business coach.  Use preparation to boost your readiness and your confidence!

9.)    Take Care of You First! Mind, Body, Spirit!

It is just like being on a plane and the flight attendants tells you to make sure you secure your own oxygen mask before trying to assist others; be it little children or an elderly adult.  The pilot as well as the attendants, understand that if you don’t put on your oxygen mask first, you may die and then a helpless child won’t be able to figure out how to put on their oxygen mask. Make sure you are receiving sufficient oxygen (food, water, exercise, rest etc.) so that you can make sure that others (your kids, your husband, co-workers, your elderly parents) will get what they need. Talk through life issues, invest in yourself by getting the necessary books or programs so you can live smarter and not harder. Stay connected to your Creator by praying, worshipping, and reading daily.

10.) Trust Yourself, Your Heart Knows the Answer!

Sometimes you will have to turn down the outside noise, so you can hear your own voice.  No one knows you better than you! Avoid the temptation of always seeking the opinion of others for personal decisions. There is a place to seek wise counsel when facing major life decisions like buying a house, who you will marry or making a business decision.  But most times, you just need to follow your gut instinct and trust your heart knows the answer. 

I challenge you to first get to know yourself and then make 21 declarations about how fabulous you are and read these declarations every day for the next 21 days.  You will walk away more confident, more whole, more attractive, more loveable, more balanced, more poise and more powerful in your relationship and in the space you occupy.

HWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNH

Jill Bulluck is a life and relationship expert that helps women become the best version of themselves by reinventing their identity and showing up as their true authentic self.  She is also the founder of Detour Movement Inc., a mission based organization for young girls and women to establish and maintain healthy relationship with God, themselves and others.  Jill prepares and positions professional single women to make the right choice in their dating relationships.  As a result of the work she does, women break free from unhealthy relationships, establish and maintains healthy happy love, gain confidence and boldness to attract and keep healthy happy relationships that leads to marriage.

Jill is the host of the Fabulous I Am Conference which gathers over 100 women each year to release, restore, and renew their mind, body and spirit so they can transform their life. Jill is the future best-selling author of Be the Best Version of You Dispelling the Lies and Uncovering the Truth of a Fabulous You! Jill has developed coaching programs, presentations, workbooks, and events to empower youth and women to achieve personal, spiritual and relationship goals.  She is trained in conflict resolution and a certified mentor/mentee coach.

It Does Work!

20. That’s the number of days left in 2013. Whew! Soon, 2014 is going to roll in and we’ll be ready to make resolutions. Well, I remembered this oldie but goodie and we think now is a perfect time to share It Does Work!***

I recently reflected on my goals for the year and there is quite a bit left to be accomplished! How about you? Are you where you thought you’d be when you “organized” your goals in January? Too many of us wait for a change in the calendar to make changes in our lives. The reality is when we wait, well often the only thing that changes are the dates on the calendar.  We set goals, resolutions and “make” plans, but we often fall back into old habits. We get involved in caring for everyone and everything while we allow our dreams to become a murky something that then disappears behind an armoire of regret (literally and figuratively).  Now, at next year’s spring cleaning (literally and figuratively) we may reminiscence and say something akin to “oh that’s where you went.” Then, we’ll chalk it up and add it to a list of things that don’t work. You know that list… vision boarding, meal planning, the gym, the whole goal setting thing. None of it works! Right? Check again. It DOES WORK! Post. Prioritize. Plan. Persist.

Where is your vision? Is it POSTed at eye level where you can see it every day?  You may not have completed an actual vision board, but you're vision should be POSTed where you can see it in your mind and heart. I suggest creating an actual vision board. IT DOES WORK!

PRIORITIZE... your aspirations (goals/dreams) from short term (3- 6months) to long term (9 months to a year). Write it down. Choose an accountability partner for each goal. IT DOES WORK!

PLAN...share with your "partner" your aspirations and ask for their help in achieving your goal. Allow them to be your "mirror" or reminder. Choose this person with care but choose someone. Act now. IT DOES WORK!

PERSIST... it may be difficult...not just at first but along the way. However, you can do it. Your partner is there to help you. Your vision is your reminder. Continue to work prayerfully; being persistent and you will continue moving forward toward your goal. IT DOES WORK!

So, let’s work together… dust off your dreams. Now is a perfect time to create a new vision board and set goals you can accomplish by the close of the year. Commit to being worthy of your goals. “Post” your dreams. Prioritize your goals. Plan and persist.  As my own vision board reminds me, “change begins with you.” You're worthy. 

About the Author: Sister Mothyna James-Brightful is a self proclaimed “Self Love Revolutionary”. She has spent the last decade empowering women and girls to live authentic lives. Sister Mothyna is the Visionary Director and Co-founder of Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation. Sister Mothyna is co-author of Because I am a Queen...100 Affirmations for Daily Living. Stay connected www.hwhn.org: Twitter @mothyna

The Art of Self-love: 3 Tips for a Self-love Revolution

There are few women I know who don’t go out of their way on a regular basis to show others love by sharing a kind word, lending a sympathetic ear, kissing a booboo, or lowering their rate to allow someone in need to purchase their business services. Wouldn’t you freely give your time, money, or sympathy to a friend in need? It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? We can probably all agree that women need very little prompting when it comes to helping, caring for, and offering love to others. Why then, is it so difficult to offer love to ourselves?

In a word, GUILT.

I’m not exactly sure why so many women feel guilty about meeting their own needs; but, if you feel guilty when you contemplate scheduling a massage, buying a new handbag, or wrapping yourself in luxury at the end of the day, you are not alone.

Recently, a teary-eyed woman shared a story with me about scheduling a massage but not being able to relax and enjoy it because she felt guilty. Guilty for spending money on the massage, guilty for being away from her family, guilty for not spending the time working on growing her business. You see, she wanted to move her family so they could enjoy a more outdoorsy lifestyle, but she didn’t feel she could do that until she had earned a certain amount of money. Until the money came in, she felt stuck.

I wonder what the world would be like if every hard working woman like her were able to enjoy a nice massage to work the kinks out after a long week (or a similar personal indulgence), without guilt? What if instead of beating herself up for an hour she had been able to relax and return to her responsibilities refreshed, renewed, and ready to dive back into work?

When this woman released her guilt and decided to indulge herself with a few things her spirit was hankering after, an opportunity to move to the place of her dreams opened up and she is now happier than ever. No extra money required.

Another woman shared the story of her handbag and wallet with me. The wallet had been given to her by a family member and she felt obligated to use it. Even though she had never really liked the wallet, and the zipper on the coin purse had been broken for years, she still carried it around because she felt that getting rid of it would make her appear ungrateful.

She had convinced herself that even with the broken coin purse, the wallet “still worked well enough”. Never mind that she could never find change when she needed it because it was all over the bottom of her purse; a bag that didn’t suit her needs, was ugly to look at, and made her feel disorganized and overwhelmed each time she needed to retrieve something from it.

What if this wallet and handbag are simply small examples of all the ways this woman has allowed guilt to sabotage her success in business? What if I told you they represent how she deprives herself and puts up with broken things in all areas of her life because she is afraid to appear ungrateful? What if I told you that changing her wallet changed everything? It did. And she was very very grateful.

So, what's your story? If you have read this far, I bet some part of you can see yourself in these women's tales of denying themselves things that seem like indulgences, frivolities, or whims. If their stories resonated with you, you’re not practicing self-love and it’s costing you.

It’s costing you in ways and on levels you cannot imagine because you are so used to putting everyone else’s needs and wants first, you may not be able to imagine life any other way. Have you ever heard the expression, “don’t ask a fish to tell you about water?” The same principle applies here. Self-denial is insidious, and when you are in it, you can’t see it.

One of the many ways I can tell for sure if a woman needs a self-love revolution in her life is by looking at her bathrobe. You have an ancient ratty-tatty bathrobe in your closet, don’t you? You’d be embarrassed to have it seen in public, wouldn’t you?  Don’t be afraid to admit it. You are not alone. A hideous old robe like that is hanging up in the closets of women all across the country. If you are putting up with wrapping yourself in a robe that makes you feel old and frumpy each night, I’m willing to bet you are putting up with other things in your life that are not serving you.

What if you indulged yourself by wrapped yourself in a beautiful luxurious robe instead? How might you feel and act differently? I can tell you for sure that how you treat yourself has a ripple effect on every person you touch in life and in business. Give wrapping yourself in a little luxury a try, and watch the miracles that unfold!

Ready to get started? Try my Top 3 Tips for a Self-Love Revolution

1. Treat yourself to a regular massage or other personal indulgence as a way to recharge your batteries so you can keep working towards what matters to you in life. Rest and renewal are highly underrated!

2. Ditch the stuff other people have given you that doesn’t make you feel great. There is a vast difference between carrying around something that you love which reminds you of a special person each time you use it and hanging on to something because of guilt.

3. Treat yourself the way you desire to be treated. Your example of self-love and self-regard will have a ripple effect in your life and inspire others. If we all loved and cared for ourselves the way we deserve, the world would be a much much better place.

Treating yourself well seem too daunting or too expensive? You can send me your personal questions at Danielle@MiracleofIndulgence.com. I have lots of ideas for things you can do to treat yourself well without spending a dime!

About the author:  Danielle Watson is affectionately known as the Inspirer of Indulgence and the Diva of Desire. She is the creator of The Purse Process™ and The Miracle of Indulgence. Danielle is a master at illuminating the hidden reasons why even seemingly successful women entrepreneurs don’t enjoy the fun, freedom, love, and profits they crave. Want a clue to solving this puzzle? It’s in the bag™…your handbag, that is.  Danielle’s secrets to success are following her desires, indulging her whims, and treating herself well without apologies. Danielle blogs at aspiretodesire.blogspot.com.