Let's
face it: sometimes our best plans and intentions don't work and we find
ourselves back at square one. It is during these time that we feel like a
failure and we want to give up. I remember starting my coaching business over
10 years ago and struggling with identifying my target market and marketing my
services. I had a fancy website and no customers coming through the door, and
my cash register was not ringing at all. I felt like a failure and that my
"dream job" had steered me in the wrong direction. I decided that
quitting wasn't my answer, but instead I needed to start over.
"But
where do I start?" I asked myself over and over again. We've all had to
start over in some area of our lives like our career, marriage, business,
education, diet, etc. It is so easy to revel in the disbelief of the
disappointment that we forget the power of pursuing what is next on the horizon
if we keep moving.
Here
are my seven reminders on How to Start Over Without Regret:
1.
Leverage your failures.
Instead
of quitting when things don't work out, leverage the learning from your
failures. Ask yourself, "What is working or what did work in my situation
or circumstance?" Write down even the small things that are your
successes.
When
things don't go as planned, we often have the all-or-nothing attitude but
instead, I want you to do more of what IS working. In my case, I was great at
networking, but I was networking in the wrong locations with younger
entrepreneurs and not attracting my ideal clients. What was working for me was
networking, but I needed to change venues to network with professional women
who could afford my services instead of marketing to women who were in startup
businesses.
2.
Dump your junk.
Don't
bring your old attitude and expect to create new outcomes. It's tough not to
fault the things, people and reactions that have hurt you or caused you to
start over, but if your goal is to start fresh, you can't do that reading yesterday's
news. Dump your junk and move on and decide that it doesn't matter why it
didn't work; it only matters that you have decided you deserve more in this new
season of your life. Decide to give your new season a fresh start without
baggage. (This one takes practice.)
3.
Don't announce that you are starting over. Just do it.
You
don't need to validate your choices to make a change in your life. Just do it.
Nike said it best. Move on and everyone around you will soon see the change in
your life. Your next steps aren't about anyone but you being comfortable with
your new choices and this new season. No public polls necessary. When we are
insecure about our future we often consult others so that we feel better or to
prepare them for our shift. This isn't required or necessary.
4.
Recycle what worked.
Don't
discard everything that represents the failed marriage, job/career, etc.
Instead, recycle the gifts that these experiences taught you. Even bad
experiences start off good. So ask yourself, "What did I love about this
experience and what would I never do again?" Use this restart opportunity
as motivation to begin again wiser and stronger, and use your bag of tools
called "learning lessons" as a result of your experience.
5.
Prepare for your weak times.
Plan
in advance for those times when you will feel like going back to what did not
work for you and create a solution in advance. It might mean that you delete
phone numbers to prevent yourself from calling people in your weakest moments.
It might mean not buying sweets for the house if you know that stress will make
you eat more than your share. Whatever you do, plan for your weakest moments in
advance. We all have moments where we vacillate between what is best for us and
what is easy for us to have now. Challenge your "now" and replace it
with what you want to see in your life long term.
6.
Celebrate your baby steps.
Remember
to acknowledge all progress toward your new goal. Sometimes, we set milestones
that are too far away instead of understanding that the long run is just a
bunch of short runs, and that we can and should celebrate along the way. If you
sell that business at a loss, celebrate that you are no longer attached to it.
If you end a toxic friendship that lacked trust, rejoice that you now have room
to create authentic new relationships.
7.
Take a new route.
The
unknown is scary, but it is also equally scary to do what you know and continue
down a dismal path. Give yourself permission to play bigger although you are
starting over. So often when we start over we become timid and afraid to swing
for the fences because we are so busy recovering from an intimate dance with
failure. Understand that success is built on mistakes and lessons learned. You
can still have what you want even if you didn't get what you wanted in the
past.
8.
Keep moving.
Standing
still is the recipe for disaster. I want you to move and try something
different to change your view. As you move toward your new vision for your
life, you will meet new people, opportunities and experiences waiting for you
to play full out. I'm writing this column on The Huffington Post because I
attended an event and had the privilege to introduce myself to Arianna
Huffington and share my work with her, and as a result, learned about this
opportunity. What if I decided to stay home that day and not attend that
networking event? You wouldn't be reading this post.
9.
Learn from your haters.
Yes
them. What others think of you really isn't your business so stop replaying
that track. The people who study, watch and obsess over you know how powerful
you are and that is why they are threatened by you. Instead of asking yourself,
"Why do they hate on me?" Ask yourself, "What do they see in
me?" It is the answer to this questions that will allow you to elevate
this energy and understand that your haters are there to teach you a very
important lesson. They see your talent, brilliance and potential sometimes more
than you do.
Starting
over is inevitable. Share with me how you are planning your new start.
About
the Author:
Mia
Redrick is a popular speaker, strategy coach for moms, and a best-selling
author of Time for Mom-Me:5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care and
Time for Mom-Me: 365 Daily Strategies for a Mother's Self-Care. She also
co-authored Finding Time to Care for Me: A Nurse's Guide to Self-Care.
Affectionately known as The Mom Strategist™, Redrick has reached thousands,
both nationally and internationally, with her empowering message for moms that
"self-care is non-negotiable but necessary to be the best parent
possible."
***This Article was
originally posted on Huffington Post***
