Vulnerability is my Greatest Superpower

Super Truth: Vulnerability is my greatest superpower.

I have done a lot of really cool stuff over the years. Things I am proud of because they were not easy...but I attempted them anyway! Sometimes I succeeded. Sometimes I failed.

I used to think I needed to do these things because people would listen to me if I had accomplished enough. That being a doer, a go-getter, and having mental toughness would be the superpowers that would take me straight to the top. It felt easy to imagine standing on my story of being the girl who graduated from West Point, flew helicopters, completed a half-ironman, rolled out of bed and ran a 50K race one day, etc, etc...

After all, don't we get hired because of all the fabulous things on our resumes & the achievements we have under our belts? Isn't THAT what impresses people & makes them love us?

What I've discovered in the last few years is that not one of those big, bad challenges was as scary as learning how to demonstrate another superpower. Vulnerability.

Years ago I would have rather run a marathon or ruck march up the side of a mountain than display what I considered to be weakness by sharing my fears. By sniveling about what I'd overcome in the past.

Whaaaa. Poor me. Why bother others with my sob stories? After all, I had learned to suck it up & drive on...wouldn't most people rather hear about my results than my breakdowns?!

In a word, no.

What I have discovered has been surprising and a bit of a relief. People actually love and appreciate me for my failures just as much, if not more, as they love me for my successes. My faults are not liabilities...they are my humanity. And my wins become boring if that is all I ever share. People tune out. No one on the planet bounces from success to success to success...and so it's hard to get inspiration from those who talk about nothing but all the things they've done right.

I remember one particular evening when a friend & I decided to play a little game we like to call "vulnerability chicken." We decided to share our deepest, darkest secrets in service of creating a closer connection. To share the things we never said out loud to other people because we were SURE saying them would lead to the certain death of the friendship. Our mistakes. Our regrets. The things that still haunt us in those silent moments when we get a little too inside our heads.

I remember telling him something I felt was so horrible and embarrassing. I could barely look him in the eyes when I said it.

And then I waited.

Much to my surprise, instead of judgement, I was met with compassion & acceptance. And then my friend opened up about some of his own personal battles...which made me love him even more. In fact, I couldn't believe he'd been holding in these things he called deep, dark secrets. To me they felt like the same kind of mistakes we all make navigating life.

I think that night was truly the first night I stopped holding my breath. Stopped wondering when my mistakes would catch up with me & my flaws would cost me a friendship. It was the night I learned sharing these parts of my journey are not only healing for me...but for others who may need reassurance as well. And that people don't love me in spite of my mistakes...they actually love me more because of them.

That kind of acceptance was the best feeling I had ever had. And I knew that if I could be that accepting of everyone I met (because don't many of us fear that "if people only knew ______, there's no way they would accept me?!"), I would be giving people the greatest gift I ever could.

So from the bottom of my heart, because my friend showed me so much compassion & understanding in my imperfections, I want you to know that you are amazing. Exactly. As. You. Are.

I see you. I appreciate you. And I thank you for being my friend.

About the author: Leslie has more than a dozen years of leadership, process efficiency, behavioral analysis, professional facilitation and training experience in a number of challenging environments. Her experience includes seven years in the U.S. Army, work in membership sales, television news production and in non-profit and association communities. She is sought-after as a professional facilitator and facilitation trainer. Leslie’s work through Lead Like A Girl focuses on inspiring groups and individuals to look for new perspectives when the ones they’re stuck in just aren’t working anymore, using their own brilliance & untapped superpowers to improve communication and enhance success. Leslie calls herself a “Life Enthusiast” because if there’s a challenge most people don’t want to tackle…she’ll give it a try. From flying Chinook helicopters in the Army, to completing her first half-ironman to taking lessons on the flying trapeze, Leslie doesn’t know the meaning of the words, “I can’t.” And she will make sure you forget those words too!Connect with Leslie at http://www.lesliestein.com/blog

Three Feet from Gold

Excerpt from THINK AND GROW RICH by NAPOLEON HILL

THREE FEET FROM GOLD

One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another. An uncle of R. U. Darby was caught by the "gold fever" in the gold rush days, and went west to DIG AND GROW RICH. He had never heard that more gold has been mined from the brains of men than has ever been taken from the earth. He staked a claim and went to work with pick and shovel. The going was hard, but his lust for gold was definite.

After weeks of labor, he was rewarded by the discovery of the shining ore. He needed machinery to bring the ore to the surface. Quietly, he covered up the mine, retraced his footsteps to his home in Williamsburg, Maryland, told his relatives and a few neighbors of the "strike." They got together money for the needed machinery, had it shipped. The uncle and Darby went back to work the mine.

The first car of ore was mined, and shipped to a smelter. The returns proved they had one of the richest mines in Colorado! A few more cars of that ore would clear the debts. Then would come the big killing in profits.

Down went the drills! Up went the hopes of Darby and Uncle! Then something happened! The vein of gold ore disappeared! They had come to the end of the rainbow, and the pot of gold was no longer there! They drilled on, desperately trying to pick up the vein again-all to no avail.

Finally, they decided to QUIT. They sold the machinery to a junk man for a few hundred dollars, and took the train back home. Some "junk" men are dumb, but not this one! He called in a mining engineer to look at the mine and do a little calculating. The engineer advised that the project had failed, because the owners were not familiar with "fault lines." His calculations showed that the vein would be found JUST THREE FEET FROM WHERE THE DARBYS HAD STOPPED DRILLING! That is exactly where it was found!

The "Junk" man took millions of dollars in ore from the mine, because he knew enough to seek expert counsel before giving up. Most of the money which went into the machinery was procured through the efforts of R. U. Darby, who was then a very young man. The money came from his relatives and neighbors, because of their faith in him. He paid back every dollar of it, although he was years in doing so.

Long afterward, Mr. Darby recouped his loss many times over, when he made the discovery that DESIRE can be transmuted into gold. The discovery came after he went into the business of selling life insurance.

Remembering that he lost a huge fortune, because he STOPPED three feet from gold, Darby profited by the experience in his chosen work, by the simple method of saying to himself, "I stopped three feet from gold, but I will never stop because men say v no' when I ask them to buy insurance."

Darby is one of a small group of fewer than fifty men who sell more than a million dollars in life insurance annually. He owes his "stickability" to the lesson he learned from his "quitability" in the gold mining business.

Before success comes in any man's life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and, perhaps, some failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to QUIT. That is exactly what the majority of men do.

More than five hundred of the most successful men this country has ever known, told the author their greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which defeat had overtaken them. Failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning.

It takes great delight in tripping one when success is almost within reach.

How to Get to Happy

True Joy

By Valorie Burton

Valorie Burton encourages you to discover what lifts your spirit so you can create happiness every day. Find your own motivations for free at happywomantest.com, which lists 13 triggers Burton explores in her book Happy Women Live Better. Here she outlines a few of the big ones:

Anticipation: Every day I make sure I have something to look forward to. Whether having dinner with a friend or curling up with a good novel, we need to be intentional about creating activities we enjoy. This one habit can instantly boost your happiness.

Service: Do at least one thing daily to brighten someone else's day. This requires you to take the focus off yourself and put the spotlight on another. Whether you volunteer for a nonprofit or stop by to visit that friend who's going through a tough time, help somebody.

Financial savvy: It won't happen overnight, but aim to live on 75 percent (or less) of your income. People who live below their means are happier. And buy experiences instead of things—a vacation, a class to learn something new; it will make you happier than another pair of shoes.

Gratitude: At the end of the day, ask, "What were the three best things about today?" Write them down. Studies show that doing so for just three weeks will improve your mood and strengthen your immune system.

Play: Guys are great at playing basketball, golf and video games. We women need to give ourselves permission to play and be silly. Go outside for a game of catch with the kids or have friends over for a night of charades. Play increases creativity and reduces stress.

Relaxation: This trigger tends to be least used by women who have taken my happiness test. Let go of guilt, stop worrying, and give yourself permission to take a catnap, a break, a vacation! Doing nothing rejuvenates the soul.

Movement: Exercise is a happiness trigger. Just 20 minutes of cardio per day can lift your mood for up to 24 hours, according to research. Make it fun. Take a class, go for a walk with your honey, or turn on your favorite music and dance in the living room.

***Originally published at www.essence.com

8 Steps to Achieving Your Goals

A new year is here and if you've set goals or resolutions we'd love to see you accomplish them and much more.  Read on for eight steps to achieving your goals. And I look forward to seeing you hit it soon.

Take small steps and be patient. Think about the speedometer on a car. Unless you're racing the Indy, you don't want to go from 0 to 120. Instead you might want to move a needlepoint at a time. Small steps are alright... just keep moving.

Once you start, you're already finishing. Understand that it's hard to start new things, but it's easier to keep things rolling once they're started. Just don't stop until you're finished, and if you do it's OK to reset.

Not now doesn't mean not ever. Be sure to prioritize. You don't have to do it all at the same time. Choose the tasks with the most immediate timeline or the greatest payoff to start.

Get up early! There is a truth to the early bird gets the worm. Use your time wisely and get your day started early. This also applies to the task, don't wait until the absolute last minute, get started early when you can.

Do things that excite you! This means enjoy the work! Yes, it may be a task you don't love but if it needs to be done...find something to enjoy about the process. It maybe that you enjoy knowing that it's something important or just getting it finished. 

Multitask. Also, don't multitask. This may seem funny but it's true. In some areas you may be able to multitask well, in others it's overrated so check in with yourself. Are you getting more done or less? Running a load of laundry while, vacuuming... GREAT! Reading text messages while driving...BAD.

Get UNBOXED! Often, there has to be no box. Experiment with crazy stuff to see if it works for you! Talk to yourself (just make sure you record it so you can listen to your brilliant ideas later). Buy a personal dry erase board. Write on your walls! Just get crazy!  

Begin with the End in Mind. What will it look like and feel like when you accomplish your goal? Get clear about what you're really after! Then begin to work your plan.

Author: Monokia Nance, Executive Director of HWHN, Inc. learn more on About Us page www.hwhn.org.

5 Proven Strategies to Avoid Holiday Weight Gain

Do you know what 40% of Americans DREAD about the holidays?

Gift shopping? Nope.

Traveling? Nope.

Seeing certain relatives? Well, maybe, but that’s not it either.

What 40% of Americans dread most about the holidays: WEIGHT GAIN.

Why? Because the weight gained during the holidays often becomes the unwanted, un-returnable gift that unfortunately kept on giving! Not losing the weight gained each holiday season and post-holiday period could result in steady weight gain year after year.

And I know that feeling of dread! A few years ago I gained 20 pounds because binged and ate to my heart’s content. I filled myself with too much eggnog, pies, cakes, nuts, and other calorie rich holiday foods.

Since then, I’ve learned to be a more mindful holiday eater.

Here are 5 simple, but proven, tips to help you avoid holiday weight gain:

Tip 1: Be Conscious of Calories. Compared to other times of the year, the amount of calories consumed during the winter holidays increases dramatically. Make no mistake about it, calories can add up unsuspectingly fast. Be mindful of what you drink too. There are lots of calories in eggnog and alcoholic drinks. Think about whether you would prefer to eat or drink your calories.

Tip 2: Plan and Scan at Holiday Parties. Be picky, picky, picky. Scan the buffet and fill your plate with foods that are simply prepared. If possible, sit down and take the time to taste and savor every bite. Resist the urge to go back for more by waiting at least 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are comfortably full. If you are still hungry, eat more vegetables and drink water.
If you must have dessert, practice the three-bite rule to keep your sweet tooth in check. Take a first taste, a satisfying middle one, and then a lingering third bite.

Tip 3: Manage Stress. You may find aspects of the holiday season hectic and stressful for any number of reasons. If someone is stressing you out, remove yourself from that individual and take deep breaths. Also, this may sound simple, but be sure to get 8 hours of sleep each night.

Tip 4: Keep Your Body Moving. Do not abandon your regular exercise routine during the holidays. Concentrate on consistently doing simple workouts. So what if you can’t get to your favorite yoga class or find time for the treadmill? Even just 15 minutes can help you maintain your fitness level and/or fight the extra indulgent treats you enjoyed. For example, jumping rope for 15 minutes torches about 190 calories and a quick yoga sequence at home can help you stay flexible.

Tip 5: Eat More Veggies & Fruits Everyday. Play with your food and look for ways to incorporate more veggies into your breakfast, lunch, and dinner meals! Eating low-energy dense foods such as veggies and fruit during the holidays (and beyond) will help create a sense of fullness, so you consume less calorie rich foods.

Research shows the feeling of fullness people experience after eating is more a function of the amount or volume of food consumed rather than the number of calories or grams of fat, carbohydrate or protein consumed. So you could eat a volume of calorie rich foods that don’t make you feel full, whereas eating a large volume of nutrient rich whole foods would make you feel satisfied. That is why you should use veggies and fruit to create a feeling of fullness or satiety at holiday parties.
This season you will ward off unwanted, unhealthy, un-returnable weight gain using these proven strategies. And, if you do splurge, don’t beat yourself up…just get right back to normal eating and exercising, and do a better job at the next party. Keep these tips in mind to make it through the holidays with ease.

About the Author:
Despite excelling professionally, Tosh struggled with being overweight and  was nearly 300 pounds. She is now know as The Healthinista, not because she's a size 4, but because she has lost 70 pounds and continues to strive forward. In addition to speaking engagements, Tosh facilitates corporate wellness workshops, business retreats, and individual coaching. Learn more about +Tosh Patterson at www.toshpatterson.com. Tosh will be joining us as a presenter for the 2014 Whole Woman Expo, April 13, 2014.

Communicate Your Ideas with Impact

“Good ideas are not adopted automatically.

They must be driven into practice with courageous patience.”

~ Hyman Rickover

      

How many ideas do you have percolating, yet you’re stuck, overwhelmed, and in inaction? What stops you?

     You want your ideas to have an impact – on your business, family, community, or the world. IMPACT^© is the mnemonic for a system I developed that represents the sequence of thoughts and actions that help you position your ideas for profit.

I - Initiate your idea.

Apply critical and creative thinking to choose the idea on which you’ll focus. Then capture your idea details.

M - Mold your message.

Organize your details to give structure to and gain clarity about your idea.

P - Plot your strategy.

Develop your idea implementation strategy. Work with a trusted partner who can see what you may overlook.

A - Attention…command It.

Use techniques that capture people’s attention so that they’ll hear your message and help you implement your idea.

C - Communicate for action.

Employ effective communication and presentation skills to convey your idea and garner necessary support.

T - Terminate assertively.

Ask for what you need to move your idea forward.

     Great ideas occupy smart brain cells. Follow a system to make an IMPACT^© with your ideas and position them for profit.

Author: Sylvia Henderson, Implementation Strategist, helps individuals and teams get out of their heads and into action with their ideas, for profit and purpose. Clients call her the “Clarity Queen of Ideas”. Using her design thinking process called IMPACT©, Sylvia helps you get clear about, develop strategies for, take action on, and be accountable to your ideas. Sylvia’s is the author of multiple books including "Hey, That's My Idea!", and hosts a cable TV program on implementing ideas. Turn your dreams into dollars, concepts into cash, and ideas into impact with Sylvia’s expertise & experience to guide and encourage you.