Vulnerability is my Greatest Superpower

Super Truth: Vulnerability is my greatest superpower.

I have done a lot of really cool stuff over the years. Things I am proud of because they were not easy...but I attempted them anyway! Sometimes I succeeded. Sometimes I failed.

I used to think I needed to do these things because people would listen to me if I had accomplished enough. That being a doer, a go-getter, and having mental toughness would be the superpowers that would take me straight to the top. It felt easy to imagine standing on my story of being the girl who graduated from West Point, flew helicopters, completed a half-ironman, rolled out of bed and ran a 50K race one day, etc, etc...

After all, don't we get hired because of all the fabulous things on our resumes & the achievements we have under our belts? Isn't THAT what impresses people & makes them love us?

What I've discovered in the last few years is that not one of those big, bad challenges was as scary as learning how to demonstrate another superpower. Vulnerability.

Years ago I would have rather run a marathon or ruck march up the side of a mountain than display what I considered to be weakness by sharing my fears. By sniveling about what I'd overcome in the past.

Whaaaa. Poor me. Why bother others with my sob stories? After all, I had learned to suck it up & drive on...wouldn't most people rather hear about my results than my breakdowns?!

In a word, no.

What I have discovered has been surprising and a bit of a relief. People actually love and appreciate me for my failures just as much, if not more, as they love me for my successes. My faults are not liabilities...they are my humanity. And my wins become boring if that is all I ever share. People tune out. No one on the planet bounces from success to success to success...and so it's hard to get inspiration from those who talk about nothing but all the things they've done right.

I remember one particular evening when a friend & I decided to play a little game we like to call "vulnerability chicken." We decided to share our deepest, darkest secrets in service of creating a closer connection. To share the things we never said out loud to other people because we were SURE saying them would lead to the certain death of the friendship. Our mistakes. Our regrets. The things that still haunt us in those silent moments when we get a little too inside our heads.

I remember telling him something I felt was so horrible and embarrassing. I could barely look him in the eyes when I said it.

And then I waited.

Much to my surprise, instead of judgement, I was met with compassion & acceptance. And then my friend opened up about some of his own personal battles...which made me love him even more. In fact, I couldn't believe he'd been holding in these things he called deep, dark secrets. To me they felt like the same kind of mistakes we all make navigating life.

I think that night was truly the first night I stopped holding my breath. Stopped wondering when my mistakes would catch up with me & my flaws would cost me a friendship. It was the night I learned sharing these parts of my journey are not only healing for me...but for others who may need reassurance as well. And that people don't love me in spite of my mistakes...they actually love me more because of them.

That kind of acceptance was the best feeling I had ever had. And I knew that if I could be that accepting of everyone I met (because don't many of us fear that "if people only knew ______, there's no way they would accept me?!"), I would be giving people the greatest gift I ever could.

So from the bottom of my heart, because my friend showed me so much compassion & understanding in my imperfections, I want you to know that you are amazing. Exactly. As. You. Are.

I see you. I appreciate you. And I thank you for being my friend.

About the author: Leslie has more than a dozen years of leadership, process efficiency, behavioral analysis, professional facilitation and training experience in a number of challenging environments. Her experience includes seven years in the U.S. Army, work in membership sales, television news production and in non-profit and association communities. She is sought-after as a professional facilitator and facilitation trainer. Leslie’s work through Lead Like A Girl focuses on inspiring groups and individuals to look for new perspectives when the ones they’re stuck in just aren’t working anymore, using their own brilliance & untapped superpowers to improve communication and enhance success. Leslie calls herself a “Life Enthusiast” because if there’s a challenge most people don’t want to tackle…she’ll give it a try. From flying Chinook helicopters in the Army, to completing her first half-ironman to taking lessons on the flying trapeze, Leslie doesn’t know the meaning of the words, “I can’t.” And she will make sure you forget those words too!Connect with Leslie at http://www.lesliestein.com/blog

This is It! Don't Rehearse

Have you heard the saying, how you do one thing is how you do everything? A friend of mine shared it with me this past week and then it popped up in O magazine. Serendipity! The phrase also reminds me of what my high school tennis coach used to say to me. How you practice is how you play.  During my two year career on the tennis court, this saying made me realize when I wasn’t practicing with my all. I would run slower if I was tired or stopped short on a swing instead of carrying it through and sure enough I would do the same thing when it came to a game. I finally got tired of losing and I knew I need to do something different. 

Either I wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t giving it my all. How often do we decide that “this” doesn’t work only to realize that it would if we did it to the best of our ability? I decided to practice with my all.  It was brutal. Nothing about playing tennis or any sport came easy to me. However, that final year, all my sweat equity paid off. I earned a gold medal in Doubles and bronze in Singles. Not bad for a girl who almost failed gym. I just remember thinking, “this is it”. What made the difference wasn’t just how I played the game, but how I practiced for each game. Fast forward a decade, quickly becoming two but who’s counting, and I’m witnessing the lesson come to life again.

What would happen if every day you showed up as if This Is It? 

Michael Jackson is one of the greatest entertainers of the last century.  This would be difficult for anyone to dispute.  Recently, I was watching a clip of Judith Hill and Michael Jackson from his This is It tour which we know never saw one concert performance due to Michael’s passing. Okay, so I wasn’t actually watching the clip at first. I was at my computer working on this newsletter as a matter of fact and the song “I can’t Stop Loving You” began after I listened to another of Hill’s songs on YouTube. I’m thinking that sounds like Michael Jackson, totally forgetting about the duet she was schedule to perform with the King of Pop. I looked at the video and it was at the moment when the camera panned the audience of about oh… 13 people.  The clip is from a rehearsal for the This Is It tour. In the large stadium to witness the magic was only the band, backup dancers and critical staff, but they’re performance was worth of a sold out show to thousands. It wasn’t perfect but seriously it was darn good. You could see Michael giving Judith instructions and even singing out instructions to the band. Uhm… could you have someone recorded your practice and it be nearly as perfect as the live show? I mean seriously, what would happen if we showed up each day as if this is the show not a dress rehearsal?

We have to live life one day at a time. We don’t have any other choice. And factually nothing is guaranteed. Michael didn’t know that we’d never see the live concert but his dedication to his craft showed u,p even in during practice time. The day before your life changes is like any other day.

So whether we’re working to start a business, play an instrument, perform in an arena, jump start a career or even a build a family, every day we should work to build our lives. You’re the boss. You are the Chief Experience Officer (hey I kinda like that) of your existence and we have to show up knowing that this is it. It won’t always be easy. Yet, shoot for the stars. Repeat what works until you get it perfect. Ask for what you need, when you need help (even Michael had a coach). Reinvent yourself when necessary. However, whatever you focus your life on.   

Don’t rehearse! Always show up and play full out! This is it. 

About the author: Sister Mothyna James-Brightful is a self-proclaimed “Self Love Revolutionary”. She has spent the last decade empowering women and girls to live authentic lives as the Visionary Director and Co-founder of Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation. Sister Mothyna is co-author of Because I am a Queen...100 Affirmations for Daily Living and is currently working on her forth coming book Engage.Inspire. Prevent: Tips to Educating Teens on Sexual Violence. Stay connected www.hwhn.org: Twitter @mothyna

How to Get to Happy

True Joy

By Valorie Burton

Valorie Burton encourages you to discover what lifts your spirit so you can create happiness every day. Find your own motivations for free at happywomantest.com, which lists 13 triggers Burton explores in her book Happy Women Live Better. Here she outlines a few of the big ones:

Anticipation: Every day I make sure I have something to look forward to. Whether having dinner with a friend or curling up with a good novel, we need to be intentional about creating activities we enjoy. This one habit can instantly boost your happiness.

Service: Do at least one thing daily to brighten someone else's day. This requires you to take the focus off yourself and put the spotlight on another. Whether you volunteer for a nonprofit or stop by to visit that friend who's going through a tough time, help somebody.

Financial savvy: It won't happen overnight, but aim to live on 75 percent (or less) of your income. People who live below their means are happier. And buy experiences instead of things—a vacation, a class to learn something new; it will make you happier than another pair of shoes.

Gratitude: At the end of the day, ask, "What were the three best things about today?" Write them down. Studies show that doing so for just three weeks will improve your mood and strengthen your immune system.

Play: Guys are great at playing basketball, golf and video games. We women need to give ourselves permission to play and be silly. Go outside for a game of catch with the kids or have friends over for a night of charades. Play increases creativity and reduces stress.

Relaxation: This trigger tends to be least used by women who have taken my happiness test. Let go of guilt, stop worrying, and give yourself permission to take a catnap, a break, a vacation! Doing nothing rejuvenates the soul.

Movement: Exercise is a happiness trigger. Just 20 minutes of cardio per day can lift your mood for up to 24 hours, according to research. Make it fun. Take a class, go for a walk with your honey, or turn on your favorite music and dance in the living room.

***Originally published at www.essence.com

Expect to Win and B.O.L.T.

Usain Bolt is described as the fastest man alive! I was recently watching the documentary on his extraordinary Olympic wins and track career. In the film, Bolt describes what happens on the track and how he wins his race. As he described it, I was hit by how much it really describes life and business for those of us entrepreneurs. Here are the 8 phases of the B.O.L.T.! 

 

The Start- Bolt describes himself as a poor starter...WHAT!!! The fastest man in the world a poor starter. Get out of here! We all know we need a good start to win, right? How you start isn't the final outcome.  If you keep moving and get yourself in a good position with the right steps, you can still win. How? It's what happens along the way. It's what you do after the start and that's the drive.  

No matter how you start, once you begin you have to keep your head down (focused), body forward and drive, drive, drive. How often do we have a bad start to our day and run up against obstacles? The way out of it is to DRIVE, feed your mind and actions with positive energy and keep moving forward. During your drive phase is not the time to stop and worry about what anyone else is doing, if you're comparing your start to others, then you're out of focus. Your check-in comes later.  

Now, GET TALL! Coming out of your drive phase is when you get tall. It's time to own your power. You can begin to pick up your pace, increase your speed. Your eyes are on the ultimate goal but you know you have a ways to go. This is where you are following your plan. Believe that you can accomplish the goal.... Yes, your product stands head and shoulders above the rest. Yes, you deserve the healthiest body. Yes, your unique gift is needed in the marketplace.  Can you pick up momentum?   

Well, believe it or not, you're half way there!!! Now, it's time to CHECK your position. Where are you in the race? Where are your colleagues (not just competitors)? This is where you find you might need encouragement, because you haven't met your goal yet but you need the cheers of your supporters to keep you fueled and in the race. Allow family... friends... clients... HWHN... to be your cheering squad and know we want you to succeed.  

Up next is your BEAST phase! Dominate your race, know that you've come a long way and you are winning. Others have started and stopped. Many never entered the race. Not only are you here, this is the strongest and most difficult part of your journey. Know that you are in it to win it and we're almost to the finish line.

As you get within arms reach of the finish line, CHECK... again. Many of us look around and say "Can I stop running?" You might be able too, except there is someone or something coming around the bend trying to catch up with you. Don't stop because the next phase is the glory.

You did it! Break the ribbon, draw that breath and do your VICTORY DANCE. You've won! Enjoy the moment and celebrate your win. Yet, here is the thing....there is always another race. Another audacious goal, a new challenge which will be met by a new victory. The last phase is to REPEAT. Bolt, raced again and beat the world record in each division! You have some records to shatter in your own life.   

So let's recap.... 

Eight phases of B.O.L.T...

Start

Drive

Check

Beast

Check, again

Victory Dance 

Repeat  

Each race, each goal begins with the start. Remember this isn't just about competing against others, your best opponent is yourself. Strive to be better than you were yesterday. What have you begun, but not finished? Do you have your cheering squad? Are you expecting to win? My challenge to you is to expect your greatness. B.O.L.T.! Believe in Opportunities to Leverage your Talent!

About the author: Sister Mothyna James-Brightful is a self proclaimed “Self Love Revolutionary”. She has spent the last decade empowering women and girls to live authentic lives. Sister Mothyna is the Visionary Director and Co-founder of Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation. Sister Mothyna is co-author of Because I am a Queen...100 Affirmations for Daily Living and is currently working on her forth coming book Engage.Inspire. Prevent. Educating Teens on Sexual Violence. Stay connected www.hwhn.org: Twitter @mothyna

What Will You Gain When You Lose

I adore the principle of the Kellogg’s Gains Project. You’ve seen the commercials that ask the question “What Will You Gain When You Lose?” The campaign is all about women deserving to feel more beautiful and sharing positive inspiration. While, the campaign takes this personalized approach to weight loss, it makes me think of the weights that hold us back from living freely in mind, spirit and body. What will you gain when lose?  We’re often afraid that to release means that we’ll lose some key part of ourselves. But what would happen if you lose fear? Doubt? Insecurity? Thoughts of Lack? What could we gain by releasing these limits?

I recently had a conversation with a friend who lives on the West Coast. I shared how sometimes it seems like while we work hard, I doubt whether we make the impact that we desire to see in the lives of women. I’m not sure if women “get IT”, that feeling of support, accomplishment and growth. Well, in her unique no nonsense way, she sho’ put me in my place. She helped me to lose so that I could gain.

“Says who?” was her response.  She spoke from her truth, sharing that she’s attended our annual conferences and seminars since 2008. “And not cause I like ya’ miss ma’am.” Well the nerve of her, of course she likes me. Lol! I literally tried to laugh off the conversation. How many times have had awkward moments where we feel vulnerable and want to rush through the experience?

Not with my sister friend, she made me face the scale with her own level of vulnerability. She shared that our events have helped her gain renewed purpose and clarity. Her journal writing and poetry went from a dark place to light and fresh. She is healthier and feels freer to be herself, which affected her family in much the same way. But that’s not all; she’s started a successful businesses based on her passion, has made an awesome connection with a national organization for her emerging business and moved across the country (a long time dream). Her words, “I know it’s a reflection of HWHN.”

Needless to say, I was humbled. Then I felt that emotion rise from my belly and bubble out of my skin…gratitude.  Imagine if I allowed that weight to lay on my mind and heart. Often we don’t move because we’re afraid of being exposed, yet when we do, we can find freedom in that movement and greater joy where fear once lived. What we gain, when we lose is filled with amazing freedoms. The principle of gratitude, no matter! The joy of learning something new! The ability to teach what we’ve learned! The chance to change a life!

What will you gain when you lose this week? You never know the difference you’ll make in the life of another. 

About the Author: Sister Mothyna James-Brightful is a self proclaimed “Self Love Revolutionary”. She has spent the last decade empowering women and girls to live authentic lives. Sister Mothyna is the Visionary Director and Co-founder of Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation. Sister Mothyna is co-author of Because I am a Queen...100 Affirmations for Daily Living. Stay connected www.hwhn.org: Twitter @mothyna

9 Rules Happy Women Make (and Follow)

This one is way to awesome to not share.*

When you only have two options, find a third.

You were offered a job in Mexico, por ejemplo, but you do not want to move to Mexico, you want to stay in Montana. Do you uproot your entire life? Or turn down the job? Both are unappealing choices, and the minute you begin to fret about which one of them you should pick, you must stop—and turn to someone outside the situation (anyone, really) for a third idea. This is the person—as wise or as ordinary as the rest of us—who will shrug and say, "Why not ask to telecommute?" There are always more than two options. Sometimes, you just need two brains to remember that.

Originally posted on oprah.com*. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Rules-for-Happiness-Secrets-of-Happy-Women#ixzz2sNnhCZO3

5 Ways Blogging Can Help You Build Your Brand, Grow Your Business and Advance Your Career

Now that social media has fully infiltrated every industry in the world, blogging has finally started to be seen as more than a fun hobby for moms and college students. We now know that blogging is a useful professional tool for learning, networking, job-seeking, personal branding, business-building and leadership. 

Have you been hesitant to jump on the blogging train or maybe inconsistent in your blogging efforts thus far? Chances are, you could be passing up opportunities for greater visibility and success online.

Here are five ways that blogging can enhance your brand, business and career.

1. Blogging can help you become a better writer. 
Blogging is great writing practice, especially if you commit to doing it at least once a week! Knowing that you have an audience (no matter how small) pushes you to bring your "A" game in how you express your thoughts and ideas. Getting better at the craft can definitely help if you aspire to publish a book or do any freelance writing work.

2. Blogging can help you get found easily when people search your name in Google. 
Have you Googled yourself yet? If not, go ahead and do it now. I’ll wait. Chances are, if you have a blog, it’s very likely to come up in the first page of results when you search for your name. Because Google ranks blogs pretty highly in their search engine, having a blog makes it easier for potential clients and employers to find you and see how awesome you are.

3. Your blog can get you noticed by traditional media outlets. 
Because of the knowledge I share on my blogs, I’ve been featured in many press outlets such as JET Magazine, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, BBC London and The Washington Post. The side effect of this is that the more people see you in the media, the more they perceive you as an expert!

4. Blogging can get you invited to speak to groups about issues you care about. 
Since blogging shows people that you have something meaningful to say, it's a natural fit for event organizers looking for speakers. Since 2007, I’ve been invited to participate in almost 100 speaking opportunities – mostly through people who read my blogs!

5. Blogging can help you make extra money. 
If you're a good writer with good ideas, companies may be interested in having you write for them. I took advantage of this possibility a few years ago when I got paid to write a career advice column for Change.org. Besides freelance writing, you also have the option of advertising on your blog to earn extra income.

The best thing about blogging is that the possibilities are endless once you start putting yourself out there. Women’s voices need to be heard online and with today’s technology, you’re just a click away from becoming a part of the blogosphere! 

About Rosetta Thurman:
Rosetta Thurman is the founder and CEO of Happy Black Woman, a supportive community that empowers black women to create their ideal lives. She is also the creator of The Blogging School, a 4-week online course that helps you create a professional blog, build your personal brand online and become known as a leader in your industry. When she’s not writing or teaching, Rosetta enjoys good food, good drinks and good music. Preferably all at the same time. Rosetta will be joining us for 2014 HWHN Conference. Grab your seat here!