10 Strategies Resilient People Use To Bounce Back When Life Knocks Them Down

*As originally seen on www.lifehack.org
BY KATHRYN SANDFORD

“People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters, they will not allow life’s circumstances to push them down and hold them under” Charles Swindoll

The word Resilience has its origin in the Latin word “resilíre,” which means, “to leap back” or as I like to say, “bounce back”. Resilience helps to make the uncertain things in our lives certain. Knowing how to “bounce back” from adversity and life challenges is something that all of us are able to do – we just need to know HOW.

Resilience enables you to live a life that is based on choice rather than being at the mercy of chance or habit. It also enables you to manage adversity and “bounce back” when life has shot you down.

When you are living a resilient life, you are living a fulfilled life, where you know who you are and you know what is important to you. You have a plan as to where you are going and you know where you should be investing your time and energy.

For you to lead a resilient life you have to overcome the pain, the adversity and the unpredictable challenges that life throws at you. It is not an easy journey, but then again, life was not meant to be easy.

The good news is that resilience is a process of thoughts and actions that can be learned. Although we can not control the challenging events in our lives, resilience can give us the strength to control our responses to these events.

Resilience Is A Life Story

Resilience is intangible, as you can’t touch it, but you can see and feel it. Resilience is a person’s life story and to truly understand and feel resilience at work, you need listen to resilient people’s stories. While you are listening to their stories, you will hear them talk about how they used various strategies to overcome the adversity and challenges in their life.

There are the 10 strategies that resilient people commonly use to manage adversity and to “bounce back” when life has knocked them down. By using these 10 strategies and listening to the stories of resilient individuals, you will be shown HOW you can live a resilient and fulfilled life.

1. Laughter Positivity And Hope

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” Dr Seuss

Resilient people live meaningful lives. They love to laugh and have a positive and hopeful attitude of life. Resilient people don’t take themselves too seriously and they have a sense of humour about the challenges of life.

For resilient people, happiness comes because they believe in who they are, they know what they are doing, and they love what they do.

Resilient people are optimistic and believe in their own strength and ability to overcome any problems. In a crisis, a resilient person will be positive, open and willing to find the solution. They will not be dwelling on the problem but looking forward to the future solutions that should be considered.

Laughter, positivity and hope are important strategies to use when you want to build resilience in your life.

2. Accepting And Anticipating Change On A Daily Basis

“it is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.”  Dr Leon C. Megginson

In todays world of constant change it is hard to hold on to who you are and manage the complexity and unpredictability of life. The one constant thing in our lives today is change.

Resilience is a quality that enables you to survive and thrive in a world of constant change. Resilient people are always ready for the unpredictable events in their lives. To them change is part of the daily routine of life. It is expected, and in fact, those who are most resilient embrace the opportunities that change brings.

3. Embracing The Power Of Choice

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” Kevyn Aucion

Resilient people are comfortable with using the power of choice. They understand the value of the power of choice when dealing with tough decisions or confronting challenging situations. Using the power of choice empowers and strengthens their ability to take action and to make decisions.

They know that they are not responsible for the challenging events in their lives. They also know they are in control of their responses to these events. By embracing the power of choice, resilient people are able to maintain perspective and manage the flow of emotions that they are dealing with in the present moment.

Resilient people are not afraid to to acknowledge their negative feelings, emotions and fears. Instead, they choose not to let these negative fears and emotions take control and immobilize them.

4. Asking For Help

“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.”  Anne Wilson Schaef

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness to a resilient person. Resilient people seek support, advice and encouragement from others when times are tough.

They value the input of others, along with the wisdom and energy to overcome the adversity or solve the problems they are facing. Resilient people do not work or live in isolation. They enjoy belonging to a community and have a very collaborative approach when it comes to decision making and problem solving.

5. Being Self Aware And Connected

Resilient people practice the concept of mindfulness. They pay attention to where they are in the present moment. They are connected to what is important to them in their lives – family and friends. They know who they are and what they stand for.

They are self-aware and are able to monitor the thoughts that flow through them. This allows them to be able to tolerate ambiguity and hold opposing thoughts in their minds at the same time. Instead of reacting to their negative thoughts they will observe these thoughts and then let them pass through like a storm.

Their values and their purpose in life are the foundations from which they lead their lives. Any decision they need to make or any problem they need to solve will be aligned to their beliefs and values.

6. Living to Learn

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Confucius

Resilient people learn to take charge of their thinking and emotions in order to become resilient. They know that to live a resilient life they must continuously develop and strengthen their skills and abilities to remain strong.

They are survivors and when faced with adversity will ask themselves, “How can I survive this and what do I need to do to overcome this obstacle?” They know their strengths and their vulnerabilities and they are solution-focused thinkers.

They will always look for ways in which they can source the best solution for the problem or challenges they need to overcome. Resilient people are inquisitive, curious and questioning – always seeking information or new knowledge that will help them to be a better and stronger person.

They acquire new skills and knowledge through life experience, observation, reflection and from the wisdom of others. They believe in the journey of continuous self-improvement and see life challenges and adversity as an opportunity to learn.

Resilient people also understand that to live a resilient life one has to experience life – the good, the bad and the ugly.

7. Valuing The Importance of Health & Well-Being

“Intelligence comes into being when…the mind, the heart and the body are really harmonious” J Krishnamurti

The energy source of resilience comes from the physical and mental strength of a person. A resilient person understands the importance of being physically, emotionally and mentally fit. They understand the importance of consistently following daily healthy habits  that nurture and strength their health and well-being. Resilient people look after themselves and value the gift of having a healthy and emotionally strong body and mind.

They value the positive energy they get by surrounding themselves with like-minded people. This positive energy builds and maintains their emotional, physical and mental well-being. Resilient people have healthy and strong relationships which they value and nurture.

8. Practicing Appreciation & Gratitude

People who live a resilient life know that it is not a one-way ticket and that life is not all about them. It is about how they can help and support other people in their lives. They have an deep awareness of people and how they feel. They actively practice gratitude and will always acknowledge their appreciation of others. Resilient people like to serve others and develop supportive and caring relationships.

This strategy of  practicing appreciation and gratitude strengthens the emotional resilience in people. Resilient people are grateful and appreciate all the good things they have in their life. When adversity strikes, resilient people are able to keep perspective because they are emotionally resilient.

9. Embrace Failure and Disappointment

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved” Helen Keller

Resilient people have the mindset of a survivor and not a victim. They expect to make mistakes, to fail, and to be disappointed. They know that to be strong, one has to overcome adversity and failure.

They embrace life learning experiences such as failure and disappointment because it enables them to grow and become a better person.

Resilient people do not seek validation from others to determine their success. They define their success in their own terms.

To help them define their key learnings and how they can move forward in their lives, resilient people will ask these three questions:

1. What went well?

2. What didn’t go so well?

3. What can I do better next time?

Those who are resilient do not typically have a fear of failure and they understand the importance of how they respond to their failures. Resilient people choose to respond to failure by “bouncing back” and starting again.

10. Be Adaptable, Flexible and Flow

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way ’round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves”   Bruce Lee

Resilient people understand that life is not static – it is unpredictable and challenging. Adaptability, flexibility and flow are key strengths that enable resilient people to manage the unpredictability of life. These three strengths are also essential for all the other nine resilient strategies that resilient people use to “bounce back” from the challenges of life.

Adaptability, flexibility and flow give resilient people the capacity to cope internally with the complexity of life and the range of positive and negative emotions they will experience in their lives.

If you want to live a resilient life, it is a tough journey because to be resilient you have to experience personal setbacks. This is undoubtedly scary, and for many of us, we choose not to embrace resilience and our life languishes. Resilient people know the huge effort and energy it takes to be able to “bounce back” from the challenges of life.

They use these 10 strategies to build their strength and capacity to lead a resilient life. They choose to embrace the unpredictability of life, the pain and the adversity because they know that the rewards they gain from choosing a resilient life are priceless. It is easy to take these strategies and want to follow them to lead a resilient life, but to actually follow them and live by them is a feat all on its own.

Kathryn Sandford is a writer, speaker and coach on reinvention and change. To thank her followers on Life Hack for a LIMITED TIME Kathryn is giving away her ebook Practical Ways To Live A Life You Love for FREE CLICK HERE to get it instantly.

Your Number One Money Blocker

*As Seen On http://pocketofmoney.com/your-number-one-money-blocker/

Want to know the real reason why you aren’t earning the salary you want? Want to know why every time you make some money it goes out just as quickly? Do you wonder why you can’t move to a higher income bracket?

The reason for all of these issues is your money story. It’s your relationship with money. A money story based on lack and limitation will play out in your life repeatedly. Whether you realize it or not, you have an unhealthy relationship with money. This is especially true if you feel anxious or stressed out when you pay your bills.

Take a moment to observe your money relationship. Do you have a love/hate relationship with money? What emotions come up for you when you think about money? Are they positive or negative? How does your body respond? All of the negative reactions are proof that your money story is blocking your prosperity. Just like you, money doesn’t like to be where it’s not wanted and appreciated.

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. You were totally unaware of the impact your money story has had on your life. It’s very important that you don’t attach any blame, guilt, anger, or shame to your financial situation. It’s just that – a situation. It doesn’t define you or determine your worth as a human being.

Money is simply an energetic number. The negative energy generated from your money story is transferred to your bank account. Your money story is a melting pot of your parent’s beliefs, societal standards of status, spiritual teachings, and your own personal experiences. The good news is that you can create a new money story for yourself starting right now.

In order to usher in prosperity you have to first become aware of your current money story. Pay attention to how you speak about money. Become aware of the fears you have about losing money or not having enough money. Notice the meaning you attach to money. For example, you may think being poor is more honorable than being rich. Don’t judge what comes up, just let it be. Be an impartial observer.

Second, reflect on where you first heard these ideas about money. Who told you money didn’t grow on trees? Were you told that money is the root of all evil? Did you have a bad experience with a wealthy person? Try to pinpoint when you began receiving these messages about money. Again, do not assign any blame. The people involved were simply repeating what they were taught.

Next, forgive yourself and everyone that contributed to your unhealthy money beliefs. Forgiveness will free you from the past. It’s not necessary to actually tell the person that you forgive them. Forgiveness is felt in the heart. Depending on how intense the emotions are you may have to forgive the same person several times. You’ll know that you’ve forgiven them when you can think of the incident without being pulled back in emotionally.

Finally, you’re ready to create a new money story. The old story and negative emotions must be replaced. Here’s how:
• Focus on feelings of gratitude when you think of and spend money.
• Read the cashier’s name tag and celebrate the fact that you can help him/her to feed their family.
• Make a list of all the amazing things money allows you to do.
• Create new beliefs that are aligned with your values instead of your fears. Like, my relationships strengthen as I earn more money.

Your original money story wasn’t created overnight. It will take consistent effort and awareness to create a new one. Notice the abundance that appears as you do. This may come in the form of money, ideas, opportunities, or support from others. Appreciate however it shows up. Remember, the more you have, then the more you can give to others. You’ll always get back what you give.

Your turn! Comment below and share your new money story.

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Sarah Aderson, also known as the Leg-a-SHE Strategist, is an international speaker, best selling author, and product creator.  As the founder of Expand Your Heart, she transforms your services into digital and physical products.  Sarah empowers entrepreneurs to charge what they’re worth so they can leave a lasting legacy.

Sarah’s transformational product line is designed to help purposeful entrepreneurs de-stress, envision their dreams, and boldly declare their desires. She has a flair for packaging your passion into profits. Sarah shows you how to build an empire, not just a business. Get your free 2 Hour Product Creation course at www.expandyourheart.org

Photo credit: TaxRebate.org.uk

The 4 Best Strategies For Savvy Self-Publishers

The 4 Best Strategies For Savvy Self-Publishers

By Nikki Woods

My 12-year-old son has crowned himself King of the Checker Board. When you face him you have to be ready because he is always a step ahead of his competition.

I think about him before I launch each project because I’m reminded of how important it is to be strategic if I plan to be successful.

RELATED CONTENT: 4 Reasons You Need A Business Plan For Your Book

If you’re planning on making your self-publishing experience far above average, here are four strategies that can help:

1. Examine the latest available options and determine which best suits your needs.

Determine your goals and vision for your book. Ask yourself specific questions to help provide clarity and the best way forward in your pursuit. Think about the following:

• What dream do you have for your book?

• What dream do you have for your writing career?

• What exactly would make your book a success in your own eyes?

• Is this a long-term goal or a short-term goal?

• Do you see this a sprint to the top or a well-plotted journey that could take years?

• Who is your ideal reader?

• What kind of books does your ideal reader buy?

• Where are most of those books sold?

• Will you print on demand, digitally publish (e-book), or offset print?

• Will you do everything yourself (including all the technical aspects of publishing), or hire professional help for a complete finished product?

2. Begin today.

As a self-publisher, you are competing with hundreds of authors, blogs, books, posts, tweets and updates on the internet. You have to stand out to get discovered and shared by your potential readers. Here are a few tips to get you started:

• Grow your platform. Developing a community of loyal followers takes time. Build your author platform, as a large, loyal platform often translates into book sales.

• Be yourself. Discover your own genuine voice. Don’t try to imitate someone else’s writing voice.

• Target a large market. In identifying your market, pinpoint a group that is focused and easy to reach.

• Get the word out. Think about blogging regularly for your website, sharing useful resources, pitching to national news sources and other popular blogs.

3. Put forward your best.

Your book represents you and your brand, so it is important to get it right. Seek quality editors, designers and printers. Present the most professional product possible: a good, professionally edited book; a striking cover which speaks to your genre; a compelling ad that fascinates your audience; a killer opening that will hook readers who sample; clean formatting to keep readers in the story; and a price readers won’t think twice about. In addition, update your book regularly if you choose to publish on demand.

4. Get on Amazon.

Readers search on Amazon and buy more books there than anywhere else. Keep these tips in mind in getting your book Amazon-ready:

• Get a Bestselling Author for your Forward. Having your book listed among bestsellers, especially on Amazon, will be a big boost to getting discovered in searches.

• Use keywords that are popular with your genre to maximize hits on your book.

• Utilize CreateSpace, as Amazon rewards authors who self-publish with this tool.

• Become a bestseller in your niche. While online marketers offer assistance with this, get references and be wary if the marketer promises that bestselling authors with promote your book.

RELATED CONTENT: 8 Better Ways To Pitch Your New Book Project

You can be a success at self publishing your book but only if you’re intentional and vigilant through out the process.

It’s your move! Keep Writing!

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Multi-media personality, Social Media and Personal Branding Coach, Motivational Speaker and Voice-over artist, NIKKI WOODS is the senior producer of the Tom Joyner Morning Show, the most successful syndicated urban radio show in history reaching more than 8 million people on a daily basis. 
www.nikkiwoodsmedia.com

10 Tips to Make Your Blended Family Work For You

Blended Family Week: 10 Tips to Make Your Blended Family Work For You

BY: Stacey Taylor - 18 Sep '14 | Blended Families

***As originally posted on www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com***

Remember the Brady Bunch?  When the show came on it played that much too familiar song that went something like… “Here’s a story of a lovely lady… and a man named Brady … and that’s the way they ALL became the Brady Bunch… ” In that perfect square with that perfect house and all six kids coming together in harmony.

Every episode ended in a resolution to whatever problem went on for that day.  No matter what, the Brady’s worked it out didn’t they?

And so my fantasy perception of the blended family began.  Little did I know that REAL blended families come with problems and issues, and other parents, and extended family and non biological kids, etc.  After all, the Brady’s never seemed to worry about finances, custody, child support or bitter ex’s did they?  I never saw Marsha, Jan and Cindy’s real father.  They rarely even spoke of him or Peter, Greg and Bobby’s mother.  Were they dead?  Who knows.  What we know now is that blended families are a lot more complex than we ever imagined.

Almost 2,100 blended families form in the United States every day and 68% of re-marriages involve children from prior marriages according to TheBondedFamily.com

Blended families come with a lot of layers and its not gonna be a “Brady” experience for everyone. One of the main things that I think that should be the focus when families connect themselves together through marriage are the kids.  The children are going to be the only people in the whole situation who have no choice.  They don’t get to choose who their mom or dad marries.  They don’t get to choose the children that come along with that marriage.

When my husband and I chose to blend our families we were hoping it would be a piece of cake, but realized that we had to put in work.  All we were certain of is that we loved each other and that we wanted it to work.  My youngest son adapted pretty quickly to my new marriage and our new life in a different state and was comfortable from the beginning, but my oldest son…not so much.  For him it took awhile.  What we understand now is that younger children do adapt better in these situations.  Here are 3 of the steps that we took for our blended family.

Decide on what the child should call the new parent

I don’t think you should force a kid to call another man/woman by mom/dad.  If everyone is cool with it, then by all means make it happen.  We gave ours a choice.  One son calls my husband dad sometimes.  The other refers to him as dad, but calls him by his nickname that we all use.  Not a big issue for us.

Have a conversation with the child’s other parent

My husband and my sons father get along great.  I believe that is because they had a necessary conversation about discipline, respect and expectations for our son in the beginning.  They were on the same page so there was never any drama.  Allow the other parent to have some say so.  Discuss it and work it out no matter what.

Make your child understand that the new parent has authority

Sometimes as single parents we may tend to be a little more lenient on our kids.  Or maybe you are more strict.  When a new parent comes in some kids may think of them more as a friend/enemy but not as an authority figure.  Younger children adapt easier than older ones but if you let them know upfront the adjustment will be easier.

On the flipside of this blended family puzzle, after 10 years of marriage my husband’s 15 year old son came to live with us and that was another tricky situation, because he was definitely an older child.  When I agreed that he could come, I didn’t know how it would work out, but what I did know is that I love my husband and that I was going to do my best to make him feel comfortable and at home. Here are 7 more suggestions that we chose to do that helped him and could help you to make it through the transition into a blended family.

We never made him call me mom.

I never tried to be his mom.  I took care of him and exacted discipline as if he was my own yes, but never tried to take his mother’s place.  I think that’s a touchy issue for most kids and other parents as stated earlier.  Sometimes he called me mom and sometimes he called me Stacey and I was ok with whatever made him comfortable.

Give them their own space.

We did not make him share a room when he got here.  If you can, give them their own space. It has got to be hard to move from everything you know into a new place with different people.  A private space like their own room will give them a safe place to relax and adjust.

Lay down the rules on day one

When kids come from other households they are really coming from another culture or another way of doing things.  Make sure they understand what is acceptable and unacceptable in your household and do that from the start.

Allow them the time they need to adjust

Simple.  Give them time to adjust.  Don’t expect complete and total assimilation during those 1st few weeks/months.  Rome was not built in a day.  Time is essential.

Be patient

Nothing in life is perfect.  Expecting children to NEVER act out sometimes is delusional.  I don’t mean out of control behavior, but being allowed to express themselves emotionally.  Be patient and choose your battles.  Don’t make a big deal out of everything.

Never bad mouth the other parent

NEVER!  This will only breed resentment and hatred.  Also remember that no matter how you feel about the other parent the child loves that person.  Dont hurt them by allowing your mouth to spill out things that the child really has nothing to do with.

While trying to write this post, my stepson (only referring to him as that for the sake of this article.  He is my son) who is grown now and lives on his own, came over just to talk as he often does and I love that.  It lets me know that through everything that he appreciates and respects me.  I believe that in the end its all good.  My biological sons also love and show respect to my husband.  They also are grown now and all of them are respectable, well rounded young men.  I think we did good.  Either way if it can work out for me, then it can also work out for you.  If you can figure out what is going to work best for you and your family and keep everything in the best interest of your kids, you can’t go wrong.  All blended families differ much like a fingerprints, no two are exactly alike.  Remember that when taking anyone’s advice.  The important thing is to be a team and work together to eventually make the transition into a blended family a smoother one.

Stacey Taylor aka "The SistahChick" is the 40+ SuperChick behind TheSistahCafe.com, Sistah Buttah, and OurNaturalKids.ning.com. She is a writer, blogger and Social Media Maven with a passion for natural hair and her community. Through her online presence she promotes generational self acceptance for women & children alike. Since 2009 Stacey has used her blog to share her love for Atlanta's thriving social scene, natural hair and her successful life as a wife, mother & entrepreneur. Stacey is an Indiana native currently residing in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and kids.

4 Signs You're Not Trusting Your Instincts

**As seen on http://www.valorieburton.com/blog/ March 8, 2015**

A few days ago, I felt moved to post this on Facebook:

“You know truth when you see it. Your spirit knows. Stop doubting and over analyzing. Trust your instincts.”

It is a simple truth, but one we often need to be reminded of.  If you’ve ever second guessed yourself only to remember later why you should not second guess yourself, you understand why being reminded of the power of trusting your instincts is so important. I believe our instincts are a divine gift – a sixth sense, the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  It isn’t always explainable, but it is always powerful.  

This week, I want to remind you to trust your instincts on that decision you are making, that relationship you’re contemplating, or that conversation it’s time to have.  Pray about it. Listen, not just with your ears, but with your spirit. And muster the courage to act on it.  If you don’t, you’ll likely regret it – just like you have before. 

We often don’t trust our instincts because of past mistakes. But if you are truly honest, you might just realize that in those past “mistakes,” your instincts were not wrong. They were ignored. Telling yourself the truth is the first step to getting unstuck.  Often, the truth is that we had a nagging feeling about the relationship, but moved forward anyway. We didn’t really want to take that job, but we didn’t have the patience or boldness to go for what we really wanted.  We didn’t feel at peace about that decision, but let someone talk us into. If you had followed your intuition, the outcome may indeed have been different. Consider these four signs that you’re not trusting your instincts, and this week, make a commitment to pay attention:

  

1.You have that nagging feeling.

You know the feeling? Don’t do that. Something’s not quite right. The timing is off. Pay attention to those divine nudges in your spirit.  If you don’t feel at peace about something, don’t move forward.

2.You’re busy asking everyone’s opinion.

If the right decision isn’t necessarily the popular decision (especially if you are an approval addict), it can be tempting to seek other opinions. Wise counsel is good. People pleasing is not. Get off the phone, stop asking for opinions, and get quiet. Notice the answer that presents itself when you listen to that still, small voice.

3.The truth makes you uncomfortable.

You can either deal with it now or deal with it later. Sometimes your instincts lead you in a direction that stretches you beyond your comfort zone. And that will always make you UN-comfortable.  That nagging truth might be inconvenient, but the sooner you acknowledge it, the better off you’ll be.

4.You are overly-logical.

Don’t get me wrong. Logic has its place. We must be strategic. But sometimes the pivotal decisions in life are not the most obvious.  They are leaps of faith.  You won’t always be able to figure it all out ahead of time.  Take it one step at a time.

  

My challenge to you:

Get quiet. Trust your instincts.

Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated to helping people get unstuck and be unstoppable in every area of life. She is the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute and has served as a Certified Personal and Executive Coach to hundreds of clients in over 40 states and ten countries. - See more at: http://www.valorieburton.com/

How Women Network Differently Than Men

HOW WOMEN NETWORK DIFFERENTLY THAN MEN

BY LORNA VAN STRAATEN

*AS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON HTTP://SMALLBUSINESSBC.CA/*

POSTED:

JULY 28, 2014UPDATED:FEBRUARY 12, 2015

“Being the boss anywhere is lonely. Being a female boss in a world of mostly men is especially so.”- Robert Frost. 

Women networking events are commonplace these days. Women attend these events in droves, and express excitement about the opportunity to connect with other women in business. But, why are these events so successful? And how do women network differently than men?

For the past several years, Cathy Goddard of Lighthouse Visionary Strategies, top 10 finalist in the 2013 SBBC Awards, has run women’s mentor groups in Whistler, BC and the Sea to Sky Corridor. Her groups bring together women entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs (women in senior decision-making positions in companies) into handpicked groups. In the safety of these groups women are encouraged to set business goals, design strategy and explore their business challenges. With the mentoring and input from other group members women work to advance their business skills and results. Lighthouse Visionary Strategies has recently added business men to the groups, uniquely qualifying Cathy to comment to the issue of whether or not women network differently from men?

Cathy offers several observations based in her experience of women vs. women networking in business: “I do believe that women network quite differently from men. Men generally go into networking opportunities with more clarity of what they want to achieve and with focus solely on their professional needs. 

On the other hand, women often take a selfless approach and are more apt to consider what they have to give others. They also tend to seek advice for both personal and business requirements…whether recommendations for a hair stylist or a graphic designer. 

One other differentiator I’ve noticed is that women hesitate to ask for what they want, whereas men are more comfortable making direct demands.”

While both men and women run successful businesses, there are differences between the sexes that do affect how day to day business is conducted. These differences are also evidenced in how women like to network with each other, and what they get from it. As Robert Frost noted, running a business is challenging and often lonely work, especially so for women who are often emotionally wired for connection.

A large component in networking is the process of women creating connections with each other.

Four Differences in the Way Men and Women Network

1. Men are Assertive and Linear

Many men networking are often linear in approach. Who is at the meeting who is related to their industry, who can they meet or connect with that can help position them or move them ahead in their chosen field. Men approach others that will be customers or clients of their business, or will act as a supplier. They are more assertive in their approach, and according to Cathy Goddard, less afraid to ask for what they want. 

2. Women Connect on Multiple Levels:

I run a small women entrepreneur/mompreneurs networking and business training group called Mom CEO Academy in Squamish. While many of the women are interested in learning more about business and how to improve their own, they also want to share the personal challenges they face in running both a business and maintaining family at the same time. A large component in networking is the process of women creating connections with each other.

Women connect to each other through children, family, business challenges, successes and a desire to mentor upcoming business women. In a women’s networking group, women feel safe to express how they FEEL about their work/life challenges and look to other women with similar experiences for support and advice. 

3. Women are Wired to Connect

Women are wired to connect and can be natural networkers. They often play a primary role to support and nurture in the family setting. In watching women at a networking event, you see that they are asking questions, coaching and encouraging. In my experience women want to see other women succeed. While they do acknowledge competitors, they prefer to build capacity over competition. In some cases I have also seen women try to work with their competitors, finding ways in which the two businesses can align to mutual benefit.

4. The Queen Bee is Not a Networker

According to Drew Gannon blog for the The Fiscal Times “How Men and Women Differ in the Workplace”, men in business exhibit more behaviour like aggressiveness, and show skill in delegating and managing up, but women leaders are typically judged as more supportive and rewarding. Women also rank higher in persuasiveness and assertiveness, compassion and team building.

This is not to say there are not competitive and non-supportive women. There are women who will model their business personality after what are considered traditional masculine attributes. Such women have been written about as having the ‘Queen Bee’ syndrome. Queen Bees are women who will not promote or support other women working with them. Competitive and unwilling to mentor other women beneath them, the Queen Bee can be cut-throat. 

As Caroline Turner, author of Difference Works: Improving Retention, Productivity and Profitability through Inclusion commented in a feature on Forbes.com, “Among negative things said about women is that they are catty, sabotage each other or simply do not extend a hand to other women through mentoring. Some commentators have suggested that women’s failure to support other women is one reason there aren’t more women at the top.”

I have experienced women in business that exhibit competitive and hostile behaviours, however, over many years of networking with women have found this to be the exception not the norm. Women are generally still fighting to define their place in the world of business. By connecting and networking with peers they are validating their important role and also beating the loneliness that can come from being a woman in business.

Lorna Van Straaten Consulting works to ‘Connect Entrepreneurs with Opportunity’. As a Social Media Maven for the Over 40’s set, she works with small businesses entrepreneurs to establish or improve their online presence. On any given day you will find her working on websites, social media, copywriting, blogging and introducing other business people to her global Nucerity business. Lorna also runs the Squamish chapter of Mom CEO Academy, connecting mompreneurs and business women together in business training.

Find her on Linked-In, Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest. 

5 Ways to Keep It (Professionally) Gangsta at Work

5 Ways to Keep It (Professionally) Gangsta at Work

By Sonia Alleyne

*This blog is courtesy of 
Black Enterprise.com

When I interviewed Renetta McCann in 2003 as Black Enterprise’s Corporate Executive of the Year, the now former CEO of Starcom MediaVest Group in Chicago was, at the time, the only Black woman to hold the chief executive seat at a major firm. When asked about influences in her career, one seemed strikingly odd–it was Don Corleone, the central character in the classic book and movie The Godfather. McCann said following his guidelines were instrumental in her climb to the top. Here are her five takeaways from the infamously celebrated mob boss that women can use in the workplace.

He surrounded himself with good advisors. In corporate-speak these are your mentors and sponsors. Interested, high-level professionals who respectively advise you and advocate for you in advancing your career. Despite disparities between men and women in rate of promotion and salary a 2010 Catalyst survey called Mentoring: Necessary But Insufficient for Advancement, cited that women with a mentor increased their odds of being placed at mid-manager or above by 56% over women without a mentor and women who had mentors at the top got promoted at the same rate as men who had mentors at the top.

He knew his opponents. In the workforce opponents can be competitive challengers in the marketplace with products and services that rival yours. To be successful it’s important to understand and determine how to deliver the highest value to clients and customers. But opponents are also real and perceived challenges at work attributed to an organization’s culture–the idiosyncrasies or unwritten rules of how a company functions. The only way to develop successful strategies and strong allies is to structure your goals in line with how your company operates. Mentors are essential to helping you decipher the company codes.

He worked on quid pro quo. This is your network. And although everyone knows the importance of networking, the focus should really be on network building–strategically developing strong and lasting relationships with professionals in your organization and throughout the industry. At the foundation of network building is reciprocal service: you helping someone, who will in turn be able to help you. The Executive Leadership Council’s report Black Women Executive Research Initiative completed in 2008 sites that of the 150 senior level executives surveyed 31% said that lack of networking was hindering the advancement of black women in the workplace. Because minority women tend to be more private at work, it negatively impacts the potential to develop the informal relationships that happen more naturally for white men and women. These are the relationships that can often be instrumental in furthering your professional goals.

He never made a move before his time This speaks to being prepared for when opportunity presents itself and truly knowing your capabilities. In today’s fast-paced environment it’s important to stay ahead of market trends and continually upgrade your expertise. But this also speaks to knowing what internal battles to fight, which ties to understanding the nature of your organization. A Black female executive once told me that her biggest lesson was learning when to be quiet. “There are times when you speak and there are times when you [should] be quiet,” she offered. “Sometimes, you got to just sit back and listen and not be ready to respond, but just listen. Even if you take a moment and then come back to it, it’s okay.”

Never get emotional. Emotion prevents you from thinking clearly and objectively because the situations become personal. It also increases your stress levels making you vulnerable to rash decisions and retaliatory or defensive behavior. It totally throws you off center and you lose sight of the problems and focus on personalities. As McCann explained at work, “a friend today is a foe tomorrow.” It is sometimes just the nature of business. Those who can, as Aetna Chairman and CEO Ron Williams mandates, “focus on the problem; not the person,” will find greater success at work. Sonny was the emotional character in The Godfather–and he was killed!

http://www.blackenterprise.com/career/5-ways-to-keep-it-professionally-gangsta-at-work-2/