Caught in the Seasons

Long nights. Open-toed sandals. Frozen drinks. Cookouts. Get-togethers. Beach time. Road trips.

If you're anything like me, you love the flow and the beauty of the summer season.  Flowers in full bloom. Tropical fruit ripe for picking!
Yet, living a decade in the northeast, I'm over the snowstorms and other winter weather. Snow looks nice long as I'm on the inside of the window.

But one beautiful tree in my local park helped me find a deeper appreciation for the cold season. I sat in the summer under this majestic tree. All the wrinkles on the trunk make it look like a woman.

Her flowers in full bloom. Families eat and get shade under her. She in turn lays us the royal "Coming To America" treatment, spreading petals everywhere for us to walk like royalty.

But then I remember seeing her in fall,  when branches came down with the petals. No one traveled the park except the die hard athletes,  running laps.  Their focus was staying fit, so they overlooked the beautiful tree.

Then the air got crisper and colder; fewer athletes come up to the tree,  cautious about black ice and broken ankles. Our same beautiful tree stands naked in the park. Fallen flowers and branches leave her trunk fully exposed.

No matter what,  her trunk stays rooted and she matter-of-factly weathers the cold.

After the chill of the winter season, she will grow new branches and expose new blooms. Without fail, all will come to appreciate her beauty in the spring and enjoy her shade in the summer.

This had me wondering about my blooms and whether I was appreciated. I realized that many will come to admire the newness of my beautiful life. All will sit in the shade of my harvest. It will be rare for anyone to appreciate my natural beauty,  while I withstand the cold, the storms, and the solitude of growth.

Every new season, the flowers I bloom live off the strength of my roots. My fullest beauty is the roots planted and supporting me.

Trust your seasons. Get rooted. Be fruitful.

Kenya Pope is an Abundant Success Strategist for amazing women entrepreneurs. Her most important assignment is serving other phenomenal women to do the same—and more. As a spiritually aligned business guide, she blogs about Magic, Manifestation, and Majesty in creating a life based on what she calls “unworking.” She shares tools you can use to clear your energetic field and finally shift from voicelessness to divine power. Her latest publication, “From Lessness to Abundance: Lessons On How to Reclaim Your Seat on The Throne of Abundance” is now available on pre-order at www.lessnesstoabundance.com. Ask for your special gift with each pre-order.

For more information about her Goddess Builder™ brand business coaching, visit www.goddessbuilder.com or send an inquiry to goddess@kenyapope.com.

Give Yourself the Gift of Health

Now that we are near the end of 2015, the holiday season is quickly approaching.  For many of us, traveling, cooking holiday feasts, purchasing gifts, and hosting family gatherings are just a few of the tasks we add on to our never ending “to-do” lists. As women, the constant demand to show up strong in the work place and to care for our loved ones often leaves us with little time or opportunity to implement self-care. According to a national study done by the Center for Talent Innovation in 2014, “Black Women are twice as likely as white women to be leaders in their communities.”   The skills that many of us naturally develop such as multi-tasking and organizing, extend beyond the four walls of our homes and into the roles we play within our churches, schools, and community organizations. By practicing and refining such skills, Black women have also become “the fastest growing group of business owners in America.”  Yet despite all of these amazing accomplishments, when it comes to health, we persistently lag far behind. As we continue to excel, our health must become a valued part of our climb to personal growth and success. Our lives depend upon it.

1. Our Physical Health

I’m sure that everyone gets tired of hearing about obesity, breast cancer, and heart disease. Well, maybe we are not tired enough because Black women continue to rank close to if not the highest in all of them. Having a yearly physical, eye exam, and bi-annual dental cleaning are recommended standard minimums. When was the last time you did the aforementioned? Where do they rank on your “to-do” list? Exercise and healthy eating habits must become a routine part of our lives. I joined and quit a gym 3 times before finally discovering that yoga and jogging in nature were my favorite fitness activities. Now, they are a regular part of my routine that I look forward to. National organization Black Girls Run serves as a great resource to enjoy group fitness, if flying solo is not your cup of tea. Some of my girlfriends prefer YouTube as their go to place for fitness routines that can be done in the privacy and comfort of their homes. Black Women Losing Weight and Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss are great online motivational tools with countless tips. For healthy cooking and eating, nutritionists “Wendy & Jess” are my favorite! I’ve made so many tasty smoothies and savory meals using their recipes.

Many of us are on the road to better health and we don’t have to take the journey alone. We did not get to this current state alone. Illnesses such as diabetes and hypertension which are very common in Blacks, are related not only to our habits but to our genetics as well. Do you know your family health history and risks? If you are fortunate enough to spend time with family elders this holiday season, bring back more than a homemade pie and cute pictures to post on social media. Ask about your family history and ailments if possible. Most elders love telling stories and what you discover may be more valuable than you could have ever imagined.

2. Our Sexual Health

“I knew something didn’t feel right,” is a statement I hear far too often when performing nursing admissions on newly diagnosed HIV+ clients in my clinic. Black women account for more than “60% of new HIV infections among all women nationwide.” Most of these infections occur from heterosexual contact. Latex condoms are the best form of protection. African Americans as a whole are more likely to die from AIDS, because we enter into care and begin treatment at a much later stage in the disease process versus other demographics. It is important for all sexually active women to have annual STD screenings (including HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia). Encourage your sexual partner(s) to get tested. Routine pap smears, pre-natal care, “birth control” concerns, breast exams and mammogram referrals can all be done during an OBGYN visit. Make time to schedule a well women’s check up for yourself. If you don’t have a regular OB, do some research and ask around to find one.

3. Emotional & Mental Health

I love that I can YouTube the latest makeup and hair tutorials. We have the art of contouring and bringing out our best features down to a science. Unfortunately, sometimes we pay so much attention to our physical beauty that we “totally mask and ignore our inner being.” The ending of a very traumatic romantic relationship and relocating 1000 miles away from family became the driving forces that pushed me into going to counseling once a month. It has become a vital part of my self-love practice and a positive personal coping mechanism. So many of us have experienced intergenerational trauma, emotional and physical abuse, parental abandonment, and grief caused by the unexpected or traumatic loss of a child or loved one. We deal with all of this, on top of the pressure of being marginalized due to various forms of racism. If we do not acknowledge and work to heal our traumas, eventually they will take a toll on us. For many of us they already have, as these traumas transform into unhealthy adaptive patterns that bind us and end up being modeled to our children. I encourage you to find a trusted counselor, spiritual supporter or friend with whom you can share and relieve your pain. If voicing your truth to someone else is too painful at this time, purchase a journal and pen and spend time writing. There are tons of books that serve as guides for self-exploration.

4. Our Spiritual & Financial Health

Our Spiritual and financial health are also important parts of our lives that we must maintain. For more details in those areas I encourage you to research and follow my fellow HWHN sisters Ms. Tiffany Bethea founder of “SHE-EO Life” and Dr. Maria James, founder of “Pocket of Money, LLC”. They are experts in their fields and have tons of valuable resources to support your growth in these areas.

The pressure that accompanies being a matriarch and leader, emotional distress, and physical neglect can all cause great stress in our lives. Externally we play the role of the fierce unstoppable superwoman, but internally this pattern is “wearing us down.” We have the power to create a healthier and “more loving path for ourselves.” Let the abbreviated inventory listed above serve as a small guide for you to jumpstart your 2016 plan of self-care. I hope that you find some of the resources useful. I hope that you choose to place your health and self-care as priorities on your list. The fulfillment of our purpose and the well being of our children and communities depend upon it. Only when we are whole, healthy and fully invested in ourselves will we be able to fully stand in our power and show up for everyone and everything else in our lives. I am petitioning all of us to give ourselves the gift of health. I’m wishing all of my sisters a happy, healthy and amazing holiday season this year. 

Jamilla Webb, RN, BSN is a native of Washington, DC. She relocated to New Orleans, LA in 2011. Her work in the field of HIV and Infectious Disease began at Children’s National Medical Center, in 2007 in DC. She currently supports underserved populations as a Public Health Nurse with NO AIDS Task Force. Since 2008, she has hosted free community health forums and continues this form of outreach today. She proudly represents her agency at various health events throughout the city, serves women as a birth doula with Birthmark Doula Collective, and recently returned to the U.S. from her first medical mission trip in Zambia.

She received her Associates of Science in Nursing from Prince George’s Community College in Largo, MD and her Bachelors of Science in Nursing from Louisiana State University Health Sciences Center in New Orleans, LA. She believes everyone was born with a special purpose and gift to offer the world. Nursing is her life purpose and she intends to continue using her it as a vessel to learn, grow, travel and be of service to others. 

10 Strategies Resilient People Use To Bounce Back When Life Knocks Them Down

*As originally seen on www.lifehack.org
BY KATHRYN SANDFORD

“People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters, they will not allow life’s circumstances to push them down and hold them under” Charles Swindoll

The word Resilience has its origin in the Latin word “resilíre,” which means, “to leap back” or as I like to say, “bounce back”. Resilience helps to make the uncertain things in our lives certain. Knowing how to “bounce back” from adversity and life challenges is something that all of us are able to do – we just need to know HOW.

Resilience enables you to live a life that is based on choice rather than being at the mercy of chance or habit. It also enables you to manage adversity and “bounce back” when life has shot you down.

When you are living a resilient life, you are living a fulfilled life, where you know who you are and you know what is important to you. You have a plan as to where you are going and you know where you should be investing your time and energy.

For you to lead a resilient life you have to overcome the pain, the adversity and the unpredictable challenges that life throws at you. It is not an easy journey, but then again, life was not meant to be easy.

The good news is that resilience is a process of thoughts and actions that can be learned. Although we can not control the challenging events in our lives, resilience can give us the strength to control our responses to these events.

Resilience Is A Life Story

Resilience is intangible, as you can’t touch it, but you can see and feel it. Resilience is a person’s life story and to truly understand and feel resilience at work, you need listen to resilient people’s stories. While you are listening to their stories, you will hear them talk about how they used various strategies to overcome the adversity and challenges in their life.

There are the 10 strategies that resilient people commonly use to manage adversity and to “bounce back” when life has knocked them down. By using these 10 strategies and listening to the stories of resilient individuals, you will be shown HOW you can live a resilient and fulfilled life.

1. Laughter Positivity And Hope

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” Dr Seuss

Resilient people live meaningful lives. They love to laugh and have a positive and hopeful attitude of life. Resilient people don’t take themselves too seriously and they have a sense of humour about the challenges of life.

For resilient people, happiness comes because they believe in who they are, they know what they are doing, and they love what they do.

Resilient people are optimistic and believe in their own strength and ability to overcome any problems. In a crisis, a resilient person will be positive, open and willing to find the solution. They will not be dwelling on the problem but looking forward to the future solutions that should be considered.

Laughter, positivity and hope are important strategies to use when you want to build resilience in your life.

2. Accepting And Anticipating Change On A Daily Basis

“it is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.”  Dr Leon C. Megginson

In todays world of constant change it is hard to hold on to who you are and manage the complexity and unpredictability of life. The one constant thing in our lives today is change.

Resilience is a quality that enables you to survive and thrive in a world of constant change. Resilient people are always ready for the unpredictable events in their lives. To them change is part of the daily routine of life. It is expected, and in fact, those who are most resilient embrace the opportunities that change brings.

3. Embracing The Power Of Choice

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” Kevyn Aucion

Resilient people are comfortable with using the power of choice. They understand the value of the power of choice when dealing with tough decisions or confronting challenging situations. Using the power of choice empowers and strengthens their ability to take action and to make decisions.

They know that they are not responsible for the challenging events in their lives. They also know they are in control of their responses to these events. By embracing the power of choice, resilient people are able to maintain perspective and manage the flow of emotions that they are dealing with in the present moment.

Resilient people are not afraid to to acknowledge their negative feelings, emotions and fears. Instead, they choose not to let these negative fears and emotions take control and immobilize them.

4. Asking For Help

“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.”  Anne Wilson Schaef

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness to a resilient person. Resilient people seek support, advice and encouragement from others when times are tough.

They value the input of others, along with the wisdom and energy to overcome the adversity or solve the problems they are facing. Resilient people do not work or live in isolation. They enjoy belonging to a community and have a very collaborative approach when it comes to decision making and problem solving.

5. Being Self Aware And Connected

Resilient people practice the concept of mindfulness. They pay attention to where they are in the present moment. They are connected to what is important to them in their lives – family and friends. They know who they are and what they stand for.

They are self-aware and are able to monitor the thoughts that flow through them. This allows them to be able to tolerate ambiguity and hold opposing thoughts in their minds at the same time. Instead of reacting to their negative thoughts they will observe these thoughts and then let them pass through like a storm.

Their values and their purpose in life are the foundations from which they lead their lives. Any decision they need to make or any problem they need to solve will be aligned to their beliefs and values.

6. Living to Learn

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Confucius

Resilient people learn to take charge of their thinking and emotions in order to become resilient. They know that to live a resilient life they must continuously develop and strengthen their skills and abilities to remain strong.

They are survivors and when faced with adversity will ask themselves, “How can I survive this and what do I need to do to overcome this obstacle?” They know their strengths and their vulnerabilities and they are solution-focused thinkers.

They will always look for ways in which they can source the best solution for the problem or challenges they need to overcome. Resilient people are inquisitive, curious and questioning – always seeking information or new knowledge that will help them to be a better and stronger person.

They acquire new skills and knowledge through life experience, observation, reflection and from the wisdom of others. They believe in the journey of continuous self-improvement and see life challenges and adversity as an opportunity to learn.

Resilient people also understand that to live a resilient life one has to experience life – the good, the bad and the ugly.

7. Valuing The Importance of Health & Well-Being

“Intelligence comes into being when…the mind, the heart and the body are really harmonious” J Krishnamurti

The energy source of resilience comes from the physical and mental strength of a person. A resilient person understands the importance of being physically, emotionally and mentally fit. They understand the importance of consistently following daily healthy habits  that nurture and strength their health and well-being. Resilient people look after themselves and value the gift of having a healthy and emotionally strong body and mind.

They value the positive energy they get by surrounding themselves with like-minded people. This positive energy builds and maintains their emotional, physical and mental well-being. Resilient people have healthy and strong relationships which they value and nurture.

8. Practicing Appreciation & Gratitude

People who live a resilient life know that it is not a one-way ticket and that life is not all about them. It is about how they can help and support other people in their lives. They have an deep awareness of people and how they feel. They actively practice gratitude and will always acknowledge their appreciation of others. Resilient people like to serve others and develop supportive and caring relationships.

This strategy of  practicing appreciation and gratitude strengthens the emotional resilience in people. Resilient people are grateful and appreciate all the good things they have in their life. When adversity strikes, resilient people are able to keep perspective because they are emotionally resilient.

9. Embrace Failure and Disappointment

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved” Helen Keller

Resilient people have the mindset of a survivor and not a victim. They expect to make mistakes, to fail, and to be disappointed. They know that to be strong, one has to overcome adversity and failure.

They embrace life learning experiences such as failure and disappointment because it enables them to grow and become a better person.

Resilient people do not seek validation from others to determine their success. They define their success in their own terms.

To help them define their key learnings and how they can move forward in their lives, resilient people will ask these three questions:

1. What went well?

2. What didn’t go so well?

3. What can I do better next time?

Those who are resilient do not typically have a fear of failure and they understand the importance of how they respond to their failures. Resilient people choose to respond to failure by “bouncing back” and starting again.

10. Be Adaptable, Flexible and Flow

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way ’round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves”   Bruce Lee

Resilient people understand that life is not static – it is unpredictable and challenging. Adaptability, flexibility and flow are key strengths that enable resilient people to manage the unpredictability of life. These three strengths are also essential for all the other nine resilient strategies that resilient people use to “bounce back” from the challenges of life.

Adaptability, flexibility and flow give resilient people the capacity to cope internally with the complexity of life and the range of positive and negative emotions they will experience in their lives.

If you want to live a resilient life, it is a tough journey because to be resilient you have to experience personal setbacks. This is undoubtedly scary, and for many of us, we choose not to embrace resilience and our life languishes. Resilient people know the huge effort and energy it takes to be able to “bounce back” from the challenges of life.

They use these 10 strategies to build their strength and capacity to lead a resilient life. They choose to embrace the unpredictability of life, the pain and the adversity because they know that the rewards they gain from choosing a resilient life are priceless. It is easy to take these strategies and want to follow them to lead a resilient life, but to actually follow them and live by them is a feat all on its own.

Kathryn Sandford is a writer, speaker and coach on reinvention and change. To thank her followers on Life Hack for a LIMITED TIME Kathryn is giving away her ebook Practical Ways To Live A Life You Love for FREE CLICK HERE to get it instantly.

Your Number One Money Blocker

*As Seen On http://pocketofmoney.com/your-number-one-money-blocker/

Want to know the real reason why you aren’t earning the salary you want? Want to know why every time you make some money it goes out just as quickly? Do you wonder why you can’t move to a higher income bracket?

The reason for all of these issues is your money story. It’s your relationship with money. A money story based on lack and limitation will play out in your life repeatedly. Whether you realize it or not, you have an unhealthy relationship with money. This is especially true if you feel anxious or stressed out when you pay your bills.

Take a moment to observe your money relationship. Do you have a love/hate relationship with money? What emotions come up for you when you think about money? Are they positive or negative? How does your body respond? All of the negative reactions are proof that your money story is blocking your prosperity. Just like you, money doesn’t like to be where it’s not wanted and appreciated.

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. You were totally unaware of the impact your money story has had on your life. It’s very important that you don’t attach any blame, guilt, anger, or shame to your financial situation. It’s just that – a situation. It doesn’t define you or determine your worth as a human being.

Money is simply an energetic number. The negative energy generated from your money story is transferred to your bank account. Your money story is a melting pot of your parent’s beliefs, societal standards of status, spiritual teachings, and your own personal experiences. The good news is that you can create a new money story for yourself starting right now.

In order to usher in prosperity you have to first become aware of your current money story. Pay attention to how you speak about money. Become aware of the fears you have about losing money or not having enough money. Notice the meaning you attach to money. For example, you may think being poor is more honorable than being rich. Don’t judge what comes up, just let it be. Be an impartial observer.

Second, reflect on where you first heard these ideas about money. Who told you money didn’t grow on trees? Were you told that money is the root of all evil? Did you have a bad experience with a wealthy person? Try to pinpoint when you began receiving these messages about money. Again, do not assign any blame. The people involved were simply repeating what they were taught.

Next, forgive yourself and everyone that contributed to your unhealthy money beliefs. Forgiveness will free you from the past. It’s not necessary to actually tell the person that you forgive them. Forgiveness is felt in the heart. Depending on how intense the emotions are you may have to forgive the same person several times. You’ll know that you’ve forgiven them when you can think of the incident without being pulled back in emotionally.

Finally, you’re ready to create a new money story. The old story and negative emotions must be replaced. Here’s how:
• Focus on feelings of gratitude when you think of and spend money.
• Read the cashier’s name tag and celebrate the fact that you can help him/her to feed their family.
• Make a list of all the amazing things money allows you to do.
• Create new beliefs that are aligned with your values instead of your fears. Like, my relationships strengthen as I earn more money.

Your original money story wasn’t created overnight. It will take consistent effort and awareness to create a new one. Notice the abundance that appears as you do. This may come in the form of money, ideas, opportunities, or support from others. Appreciate however it shows up. Remember, the more you have, then the more you can give to others. You’ll always get back what you give.

Your turn! Comment below and share your new money story.

HWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHNHWHN

Sarah Aderson, also known as the Leg-a-SHE Strategist, is an international speaker, best selling author, and product creator.  As the founder of Expand Your Heart, she transforms your services into digital and physical products.  Sarah empowers entrepreneurs to charge what they’re worth so they can leave a lasting legacy.

Sarah’s transformational product line is designed to help purposeful entrepreneurs de-stress, envision their dreams, and boldly declare their desires. She has a flair for packaging your passion into profits. Sarah shows you how to build an empire, not just a business. Get your free 2 Hour Product Creation course at www.expandyourheart.org

Photo credit: TaxRebate.org.uk