It’s after 10 o’clock on a Sunday
night and I just plopped down on the couch with my son to watch the movie, “Curious
George.”
Together we’re cherishing the
moments, and enjoying all the short-lived freedoms that the summer months
bring…then about 15 minutes into the movie, I get a call and it’s the transitional
home I volunteer for as a Life Coach-I had to answer.
A sincerely compelling voice greets me on the
other end, it’s the house mom who apologizes for the short notice and is wondering
if I can go to court with a resident as a support in the morning, as in about 8
hours from now.
How can I resist?
After all, just a few days ago after hearing
her story, I was moved and inspired to advocate for her, and here is God
answering my prayers!
I’d wondered:
“How can I be of help?”
“What can I do to make a difference?”
“How can I use my story of victory to help
encourage her through her process?”
So without
hesitation and full of gratitude, I eagerly respond, “YES!”
But wait, here it comes…My son had
just came back home earlier that day after having spent some time at his
dad’s. We were just swapping hugs &
kisses, expressing I love you and I missed you’s. Now here mommy is again whisked away by her
passion for living her life on purpose.
But before I allowed the guilt to set in, I reminded myself of these 5
simple steps that I employ frequently so that I remain guilt free:
#1 Communicate on your child’s level.
We’re all
aware that in all healthy relationships, communication is key. However, sometimes we don’t share our
passions with our children, assuming they can’t understand. Children are smarter than we sometimes give
them credit for. My son loves his cars. He likes to talk about them, design them,
write stories about them, build them out of Legos, and conveniently build
“parking lots” all over the house where I’ll step on them so that I may feel
the depth of his passion! So what I did
was juxtapose our passions by saying, “You know how mommy calls you to eat and
I have to repeat myself several times because you’re engrossed in finishing one
of your Lego cars? Well, that’s how
mommy feels about the work she does with the girls at the Sierra House and when
I’m writing,” he responded with an illuminated smile, “Ohhh yeah, yeah, I get
it!” Use your knowledge of your child’s
passion to leverage the conversation and come to a mutual understanding. They get it.
#2 Invite them into your world.
Each year
when I attend the Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation Annual Conference, I love to be
reunited with all the women who attend.
The women in attendance are the embodiment of passionate living on
purpose. Many of the women are wives, mothers,
and single mothers too. It always brings
me joy when I see one mom in particular, who faithfully brings her daughter who
is a child with special needs. Having
worked for the special needs population as a nurse, I know how the parents
struggle with guilt. Many of the parents
neglect living fully so that they can tend to the demands of parenting a child
with special needs, as well as to avoid the social stigma attached to the role. But not this mom, her daughter’s presence is
a light in the room and she brings so much love, youthfulness, laughter and
dance into the space; I don’t know that it would be the same without her; she
teaches us that sisterhood knows no boundaries. Seek out communities in alignment with your
passions that are supportive of your needs as a parent, they do exist. Sometimes my son will come with me to the
Sierra House when we do creative activities like vision boarding during
group. Help them to feel included by
sharing in your excitement.
#3 Help your child to discover and nurture their interests.
It’s never
too early to get your child’s wheels turning in regards to discovering their
passions and divine purpose. Get them to
think BIG! In many foreign countries,
it’s custom to take notice of a child’s gifting and those involved in that
child’s upbringing, nurture and invest in those qualities accordingly. These children grow to become confident and
productive young adults who start making contributions to the improvement of
their societies early on. When people
encounter my son, Amen, they often say things like, “Oh! So one day you can learn to be an auto mechanic
and fix the cars!” So what we did one
year for his Black History project was research African-American designers in
the automobile industry and did his project on Earl Lucas, one of only 25 in
the world. You don’t have to wait for a
school project though, spend a Saturday afternoon creating a vision board
together. The thing is to get them to
see the possibilities beyond the average roles regularly presented to them,
keep them motivated to press towards the high mark, and help them to develop a
heart for servicing the greater good of the world. The best time to begin instilling these
values is when they are young and the imagination is ripe. This will also help to strengthen their
self-esteem before the world or experience comes in and triggers doubt.
#4 Create balance.
This weekend
I found myself over-committed and overwhelmed, leaving me to make cancellations
and back out of my plans. Sometimes us
passionate ones give way too many yeses before checking in with ourselves
first. Establish healthy boundaries to
protect the values you hold and those of your family. Ask yourself if you have the capacity to
fulfill the agreements you make with others.
Commit to keeping track of your obligations to avoid disappointing
others, people tend to understand a justified “no” better than a broken
promise. Get yourself a planner to help
you stay mindful of where you need to be, what free time you have for family,
and to be sure you square away time for self-care.
#5 Know that having the freedom to express
yourself makes life better for us all!
What we have
inside of us, is vital for the continual healing of ourselves, our homes, the
community, our nation, and ultimately our world. Think, “If mama isn’t happy, then nobody’s
happy!” Your family is happy to see you
happy. That thing that you do, that no
one else can do like you do, is making this world a better place to live
in. Living on purpose is not about you,
but it is about us all. You are out
there being the change that we so need to see, and your children will thank you
for assuring that they would inherit a world wherein you made an impact so that
they could thrive, be safe, and have access to opportunity so they can become
all they are destined to be!
I hope by
now that you are inspired to keep on living on purpose, passionately and guilt
free! With communication, sharing, your
leadership and example your children will become your biggest
cheerleaders. Free yourself from the
weight of self-condemnation for operating in the world as your highest
self. Lastly, pat yourself on the back
for modeling excellence to the little ones who are forever watching, for they
are our future.
About to the author: Jonae N.
Potter-Gill coaches young women who are in transition. She is a mom, student, and Licensed Practical
Nurse by profession.
