5 Steps to Free Yourself from the Guilt of Being a Passionate Parent Living Your Life on Purpose!

          

It’s after 10 o’clock on a Sunday night and I just plopped down on the couch with my son to watch the movie, “Curious George.”  Together we’re cherishing the moments, and enjoying all the short-lived freedoms that the summer months bring…then about 15 minutes into the movie, I get a call and it’s the transitional home I volunteer for as a Life Coach-I had to answer.  A sincerely compelling voice greets me on the other end, it’s the house mom who apologizes for the short notice and is wondering if I can go to court with a resident as a support in the morning, as in about 8 hours from now.  How can I resist?  After all, just a few days ago after hearing her story, I was moved and inspired to advocate for her, and here is God answering my prayers!  I’d wondered:  “How can I be of help?”  “What can I do to make a difference?”  “How can I use my story of victory to help encourage her through her process?”  So without hesitation and full of gratitude, I eagerly respond, “YES!”

           But wait, here it comes…My son had just came back home earlier that day after having spent some time at his dad’s.  We were just swapping hugs & kisses, expressing I love you and I missed you’s.  Now here mommy is again whisked away by her passion for living her life on purpose.  But before I allowed the guilt to set in, I reminded myself of these 5 simple steps that I employ frequently so that I remain guilt free:

#1 Communicate on your child’s level.

We’re all aware that in all healthy relationships, communication is key.  However, sometimes we don’t share our passions with our children, assuming they can’t understand.  Children are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for.  My son loves his cars.  He likes to talk about them, design them, write stories about them, build them out of Legos, and conveniently build “parking lots” all over the house where I’ll step on them so that I may feel the depth of his passion!  So what I did was juxtapose our passions by saying, “You know how mommy calls you to eat and I have to repeat myself several times because you’re engrossed in finishing one of your Lego cars?  Well, that’s how mommy feels about the work she does with the girls at the Sierra House and when I’m writing,” he responded with an illuminated smile, “Ohhh yeah, yeah, I get it!”  Use your knowledge of your child’s passion to leverage the conversation and come to a mutual understanding.  They get it.

           #2 Invite them into your world.

Each year when I attend the Heal a Woman to Heal a Nation Annual Conference, I love to be reunited with all the women who attend.  The women in attendance are the embodiment of passionate living on purpose.  Many of the women are wives, mothers, and single mothers too.  It always brings me joy when I see one mom in particular, who faithfully brings her daughter who is a child with special needs.  Having worked for the special needs population as a nurse, I know how the parents struggle with guilt.  Many of the parents neglect living fully so that they can tend to the demands of parenting a child with special needs, as well as to avoid the social stigma attached to the role.  But not this mom, her daughter’s presence is a light in the room and she brings so much love, youthfulness, laughter and dance into the space; I don’t know that it would be the same without her; she teaches us that sisterhood knows no boundaries.   Seek out communities in alignment with your passions that are supportive of your needs as a parent, they do exist.  Sometimes my son will come with me to the Sierra House when we do creative activities like vision boarding during group.  Help them to feel included by sharing in your excitement.

           #3 Help your child to discover and nurture their interests.

It’s never too early to get your child’s wheels turning in regards to discovering their passions and divine purpose.  Get them to think BIG!  In many foreign countries, it’s custom to take notice of a child’s gifting and those involved in that child’s upbringing, nurture and invest in those qualities accordingly.  These children grow to become confident and productive young adults who start making contributions to the improvement of their societies early on.  When people encounter my son, Amen, they often say things like, “Oh!  So one day you can learn to be an auto mechanic and fix the cars!”  So what we did one year for his Black History project was research African-American designers in the automobile industry and did his project on Earl Lucas, one of only 25 in the world.  You don’t have to wait for a school project though, spend a Saturday afternoon creating a vision board together.  The thing is to get them to see the possibilities beyond the average roles regularly presented to them, keep them motivated to press towards the high mark, and help them to develop a heart for servicing the greater good of the world.  The best time to begin instilling these values is when they are young and the imagination is ripe.  This will also help to strengthen their self-esteem before the world or experience comes in and triggers doubt.

          

#4 Create balance.

This weekend I found myself over-committed and overwhelmed, leaving me to make cancellations and back out of my plans.  Sometimes us passionate ones give way too many yeses before checking in with ourselves first.  Establish healthy boundaries to protect the values you hold and those of your family.  Ask yourself if you have the capacity to fulfill the agreements you make with others.  Commit to keeping track of your obligations to avoid disappointing others, people tend to understand a justified “no” better than a broken promise.  Get yourself a planner to help you stay mindful of where you need to be, what free time you have for family, and to be sure you square away time for self-care. 

   

           #5 Know that having the freedom to express yourself makes life better for us all!

What we have inside of us, is vital for the continual healing of ourselves, our homes, the community, our nation, and ultimately our world.  Think, “If mama isn’t happy, then nobody’s happy!”  Your family is happy to see you happy.  That thing that you do, that no one else can do like you do, is making this world a better place to live in.  Living on purpose is not about you, but it is about us all.  You are out there being the change that we so need to see, and your children will thank you for assuring that they would inherit a world wherein you made an impact so that they could thrive, be safe, and have access to opportunity so they can become all they are destined to be!

I hope by now that you are inspired to keep on living on purpose, passionately and guilt free!  With communication, sharing, your leadership and example your children will become your biggest cheerleaders.  Free yourself from the weight of self-condemnation for operating in the world as your highest self.   Lastly, pat yourself on the back for modeling excellence to the little ones who are forever watching, for they are our future.    

About to the author: Jonae N. Potter-Gill coaches young women who are in transition.  She is a mom, student, and Licensed Practical Nurse by profession.